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Duct Tape GK: ……brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council (DUCKS), and here for duct tape is international supermodel, Cynthia Maxwell. SS: When you are a totally awesome supermodel with a body to die for, it's like really really really important to go to the gym every day and do situps until you puke and to maintain a special diet of food-like substances so you can fit in your size one-and-a-half low-rider jeans and cut-off shirt and keep your belly button, like, taut --- and believe me, it's not easy ---- and you get like really really really hungry sometimes so if you should walk past a room with this, like, buffet out on the table, sometimes you like lose control and before you know it you're scarfing up cold cuts and cheese with both hands like you were a coyote in a chicken coop. That's why whenever I go where food might be present I always tape my ankles together with duct tape. © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»