Café Boeuf
Saturday, March 9, 2002

(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith; RD: Rich Dworsky)

GK: … this portion of our program brought to you by the Café Boeuf, with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. Bon soir, Maurice.

TK: You want me to park your car?

GK: Never mind. Maurice, what's this I hear about a Drive-Through Window at the Café Boeuf?

TK: It is not a drive-through window. (FRENCH DISGUST)

GK: But I saw cars pulling up and stopping and a window opened-

TK: It is the Aperture le Automotive.

GK: I see------

TK: Not a Drive Up Window.

GK: But there is a window and cars drive up.

TK: It is the Aperture.

GK: And cars drive up to it-----

TK: Oui, monsieur.

GK: And the window opens.

TK: The aperture is opened, oui.

GK: And food is passed out of the aperture. Food in white Styrofoam cartons, in bags.

TK: Not Styrofoam. It's called Containment Capsules de Plastique Blanc.

GK: And what are those?

TK: Those are white containers made of a synthetic material.

GK: And you put food in them.

TK: Oui, monsieur. BUT------ it is food that we choose for you. You do not choose. We choose.

GK: So it's fast food not of your own choice.

TK: Not fast food. Cuisine de Express.

GK: So you have pre-made dishes sitting around in the kitchen.

TK: Pre-made?

GK: Yes, the food is made before the customer drives up to the Aperture.

TK: We always have food in a kitchen, monsieur. Food is what we do in a kitchen. Of course we have food.

GK: Pre-made food. Fast food.

TK: With a French restaurant, nothing is fast. Not even Cuisine de Express. It takes time ---- to shrug, to make faces, to mutter under our breath, to roll our eyes, to insult your car ------

GK: But the food is pre-made.

TK: It is food that we have made for our own amusement, yes. Our chef, purely for fun, will make up a few dozen Crepes d'Legume Puree et Fromage-----

GK: Crepes d'Legume Puree et Fromage----- you're talking about a Bean and Cheese Burrito.

TK: Not a burrito. A crepe.

GK: A crepe you hold in your hand.

TK: Oui, monsieur.

GK: Made with a wrap.

TK: Made with a crepe.

GK: A cold crepe.

TK: Oui, monsieur.

GK: And can you get beef with this burrito, too?

TK: The Crepe d'Boeuf. Yes, of course. With legume puree and fromage.

GK: What kind of fromage?

TK: Monterey Jacques.

GK: I'm astonished, Maurice. I'm speechless.

TK: We're in a recession. One must adapt. So ---- we offer the Entrée de Joie. The Meal of Happiness.

GK: The Meal of Happiness.

TK: Oui, monsieur. Customers in Peugeots get a free order of fries.

GK: A message from the Café Boeuf. Try the new Aperture de Automotive. (MUSIC)

© Garrison Keillor 2002

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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