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Reliable Brain Surgery (MUSIC) GK: We had a breakthrough in science this week. Researchers have implanted microchips into the brains of rats and are able to control their actions through a laptop computer. Smarter rats can only mean a higher standard of living for all of us. Soon we'll implant microchips in mosquitoes and use them to read the warranty on electronics items. Or we can implant a microchip in you. Yes, if some part of your life is out of control, a microchip implant can change it. TK: Doctor, I'm an incurable romantic. SS: I'm a bleeding heart liberal. TR: I am addicted to the recordings of The Carpenters. GK: No more. You can get your life back under control with an implant. It's as simple as brain surgery. From Reliable Brain Surgery. Reliable¼¼.it's the name to remember when you need brain surgery. (BRIDGE. RESPIRATOR) TR: Real good. He asleep yet? SS: He sure looks asleep to me. TR: Me, too. Well, I guess we'll know in a moment. (POWER DRILL) SS: Yuck. Lotta gunk in that brain. How was he ever able to remember names or dates? TR: Probably he couldn't. (DRILL STOPS) Those are old song lyrics in there. Suction. (SUCTION PUMP) Get that over there, too. (SUCTION) Those are little remnants of old jokes. Give me the water pic. (PULSATING SHOTS OF WATER) Clean that out. Give me the microchip. TR: You've got it. SS: No, you were the one who took it out of the box. TR: Really? SS: There it is. In your hand. TR: Well, I'll be darned. (POP) There. That should fix him. Let's wake him up. SS: I forget --- was this the guy who wanted to quit smoking? TR: No, it's the kneejerk liberal. SS: Are you sure? TR: That's what the tag on the ankle says. SS: Oh. (FACE SLAPS) Wake up, Mr. Hattendorf. Wake up! (TK DROWSY, AWAKENS) We'd like you to sit up now. Easy does it. Easy. TK: Let me tell you something: I worked hard for everything I got and they can work for what they get. No more hand-outs. SS: Looks like it worked. TR: Yeah. (MUSIC BRIDGE) GK: If your life is out of control, if you want to change your mind, how about a microchip implant from Reliable Brain Surgery¼¼Reliable, it's the name to remember when brain surgery is called for. RD (SINGS): When you need someone to drill behind your eyeball, © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»