English Majors
SATURDAY, May 18, 2002

(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)

GK: …back right after this message from the Profession of English Majors. (VIOLIN UNDER…….)

TR: I'm not good enough for you, Deirdre. You deserve someone with charm, wit, personality.

SS (IMPASSIONED): I don't care about charm, I want you, Lester!

TR: I'm twenty years older than you, Deirdre. I live in a school bus and my pony tail is a clip-on. It clips onto the back of my toupee. I'm bald as an egg, Deirdre.

SS: That's okay! I love you! And I love the Sixties. I've read about it, and my parents still have their clothes from back then!

TR: Okay, but our musical tastes are so different.

SS: I'm learning to appreciate the Grateful Dead! Really! I understand now why they never tuned their guitars!

TR: I don't know. Understanding guys don't mean you should live with them.

SS (TONE CHANGES): Lester----

TR: What?

SS: Understanding guys DOESN'T mean you should live with them.

TR: That's what I said.

SS: Lester, subjects and verbs have to be in agreement. The subject of that sentence is not 'guys,' it's understanding, and
"understanding," which is a gerund, by the way, is singular and it takes a singular verb.

TR: I got no idea what you're talking about.

SS: You're right. You are wrong for me. I'm out of here.

GK: Language: it says so much about you. Nothing speaks louder than words. A message from the Profession Of English Majors.

© Garrison Keillor 2002

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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