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Catchup Advisory Board GK: …..after this word from the Catchup Advisory Board. (MUSIC) TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. The woman in the
cubicle next to mine at work was laid off and suddenly it's quiet again
and I can concentrate on solitaire. What we thought might be a mole in
our garden turned out to be a buried canister full of $20 bills and we
used the money to fly to Las Vegas, where Barb won big at the canasta
table. For the past few months, whenever telemarketers called, we simply
set the phone down on the table and put on a record of Bob Dylan singing,
"It Ain't Me, Babe," and now we're starting to not hear from
some of them. We should have been happy. Then one night I found Barb in
the kitchen, poring over the sports section.-Honey, what's wrong? SS: Oh, Jim. Why haven't we been following the World Cup Soccer
matches? It just bothers me that we've missed it. TR: We missed it because we're Americans, Barb, and to us soccer
is about as exciting as watching bathwater go down the drain. SS: But our own American team is in it. Or was. TR: Barb, soccer is not an American sport. We are a hands-on people.
The idea of moving the ball by bouncing it off your head is strictly for
sea lions. Americans grab the ball and run with it. SS: But Europeans love it. TR: Europeans think Jerry Lewis is a genius, too. SS: But why would they love a game that's boring? TR: They don't have access to all the medications we do, Barb.
Tranquilizers. Sedatives. SS: But they get all excited at games---- TR: I wouldn't know. I'm always asleep. TR: Barb, it isn't the rules. You know what they serve at soccer
games? They serve salmon, Barb. Not hot dogs, not beer. Salmon and a Sauvignon
Blanc. You and I are ketchup people. SS: Oh, Jim. TR: Ketchup's natural mellowing agents let you focus on the things
that really count. Like the Red Sox. RD: The smell of the wet grass, the flash of monarch wings, GK: Ketchup… for the good times. RD: Ketchup…..Ketchup. © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»