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ELCA (CHORDS) GK:....right after this message from the ELCA, the Evelyn Lundberg
Counselling Agency. (STING) What is that ---- on your face? TR: It's a lightning bolt, Dad. It's a tattoo. GK: On your forehead?????? And what's that on your shoulder? TR: A snake. GK: And the other shoulder? TR: Black Sabbath. GK: Oh my gosh. TR: Uncle Bud has tattoos. GK: Your uncle Bud was in the Merchant Marine. Know what that
is? It's unemployment, surrounded by water. ----What are we going to do
with you? (MUSIC) Guess I'll send him to the ELCA --- and see if she can
knock some sense into him. SS (OLDER WOMAN): Listen to me, you pathetic little snot, time
to get your head out of your butt. You smell something? Huh? Do you? What
is it? TR: It's coffee. SS: Good. Listen to me. Dye injected under your skin is permanent.
And maybe it looks cool now, but the world moves on and someday you'll
have kids of your own and Black Sabbath is not going to be cool to your
kids at all. To them, Black Sabbath is going to be like Tony Orlando except
creepy and brain damaged. I had an uncle who had a big tattoo on his belly
of an American eagle holding Adolf Hitler in its talons and it sort of
blurred over time and it came to look like Burt Reynolds being stepped
on by a chicken. Uncle Harry never took off his shirt after that. A word
to the wise. GK: The Evelyn Lundberg Counselling Agency doesn't try to understand
young people, just impart some common sense. SS (OLDER): Oh just grow up.... GK: The Evelyn Lundberg Counselling Agency....in the Yellow Pages
under Discipline. © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»