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Pumpkins GK: …Here's how you make a jack-o-lantern. You get yourself
a nice big pumpkin (SFX: THUMPING PUMPKIN). You want to be sure there
are no discolorations because that could indicate the presence of pumpkin
gas. When a pumpkin goes bad and rots, it can create extremely disgusting
gas and when you stick your knife in ---- (STABBING KNIFE IN, BIG RASPBERRY)---
that's pumpkin gas. Sort of reminds me of my Uncle Ken. Here's a pumpkin
here (THUMPING) with no discolorations, so we cut into the top (CUTTING
KNIFE, BIG RASPBERRY). But that pumpkin has gas, too. I guess that discoloration
rule doesn't always hold true. That's methane gas and that's why it smells
like that, so if you poke a hole in a pumpkin and (STRIKE MATCH) put a
match there (EXPLOSION) you can blow the whole thing up. Don't do that
indoors, though. Okay. How to make a jack-o-lantern. You cut off the top of the pumpkin
so you can hollow out the inside, and it's a lot easier to use a chainsaw,
(START UP CHAINSAW, CUTTING), and that takes the top right off in just
a second, and (CHAINSAW STOP) then you can use a shop vacuum to (VACUUM)
get the innards out, all those stringy things and the seeds (VACUUM SUCKING
UP GLOP), you just vacuum all of that right out of there and ---- (CLINK
OF SOMETHING HARD)---- what's that? (TURN VACUUM OFF, IT DIES SLOWLY)
Something inside the pumpkin. What is that? TR: What happened? Where are we? Chrysalis? Come out here, look
at this. We're in some kind of cave or something ----- (SHOCK) Oh wow.
Oh God. Oh God. GK: It's okay. You're all right. I think. You just---- turned
into a pumpkin, I guess. TR: You don't look like what I thought you'd look like, God. I
thought you'd have a beard. GK: I'm not God. I'm just the owner of the pumpkin. TR: Man. I knew when I ate those mushrooms it was going to be
weird but I didn't think---- Hey Chrysalis---- SS: Yeah. Where are we, Lenny? How come it's so dark----- Lenny? TR: Yeah, baby. SS: Those weren't mushrooms, Lenny. Those were pumpkin seeds.
TR: Oh wow. SS: Who's that? TR: God. Who else---- Hey, what time is it? GK: October. TR/SS: (VARIOUS) Far out. Groovy. GK: October… of 2002. TR: 2002! No wonder I've lost weight. SS: I had the strangest dream and now I wake up and it's all true.
TR: Guess we missed that Grateful Dead concert. SS: You mind reaching down and setting us free, God? GK: I don't know. You might want to stay in the pumpkin. TR: You're omnipotent, aren't you? GK: Well, I have some power over this pumpkin, I guess. SS: Why did you allow this to happen? Huh? GK: Allow what to happen? TR: Let people spend thirty years asleep inside a pumpkin. SS: Don't question it, Lenny, he might get mad ----- TR: I don't care. What more can he do to us? SS: What do you want, God? GK: Listen. I'm not God. TR: Prove it. GK: I can't remember jokes. SS: So? GK: God is omniscient. He knows all the jokes. I don't. TR: The one about the two penguins? GK: I don't remember it. TR: They're standing on the ice floe? Two penguins? GK: I don't know that one. TR: And one penguin says, "You look like you're wearing a
tuxedo"? GK: Yeah. TR: And the other penguin says, "Who says I'm not"?
GK: I don't get it. TR: You're right. You're not God. SS: Get us out of here. (MUSIC) GK: So I did. They're living with me now, Lenny and Chrysalis.
It's going to be a long time before they're ready to make their own way
in the world. Thirty years is a lot of change. So ---- be careful when
you open a pumpkin. You never know what you might find. (CHORD, THEN REVERB)
Hey? Turn on the lights. What's going on? TR: Hello. GK: Who're you? TR: Just standing up here watching your show. GK: Where am I? TR: Inside a radio. GK: Oh. TR: Don't mind me. Just go on with what you're doing. (MUSIC OUT) © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Singer and songwriter Andra Suchy talks about singing duets with Garrison, and her latest album, Little Heart.
Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).
