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The Press GK: Let's talk about garbage for a moment, folks. I know you folks
recycle, but what about all of those coffee grounds you throw away every
day (SCHWOPP) and the uneaten yoghurt (PLOPPPPP) and the three inedible
fruitcakes you'll get for Christmas (THREE SPLATS) not to mention the
buckets of cold mashed potatoes (SCHLOP) and the yams (SCHLAP) and the
turkey carcass (CRUNCHING) and cranberry sauce---- why do you make so
much? Nobody eats this stuff ---- (BIG TORRENT OF GLOP) ----- so you're
going to throw it into a non TR: THE PRESS. GK: The Press is a stainless steel garbage processor the size
of your stove. You dump all your garbage in there, everything (GLOPS AND
CRUNCHES AND GLASS AND JUNK), degradable and non-degradable, paper and
plastic, glass, cranberries, fruitcakes, and there it's decomposed quickly
by an industrial-strength bacteria and it's compacted and baked to make----
(CHORD) SS: A brick. An adobe brick. GK: No more sorting things into nine different shopping bags in
your back porch. All of your garbage, your flotsam and jetsam, old books,
old car batteries, fruitcakes, wrappers, empty bottles, cranberry sauce,
all reduced to make a useful object: a brick. SS: Now we can build that patio that we always dreamed of. GK: Ask for it by name: TR: THE PRESS. SS: Are these adobe bricks durable? Will they last for years and
years? GK: Highly educated people with wire-rim glasses and wearing crisp
white lab coats say: So far, so good. SS: And is The Press perfectly harmless? GK: No, the industrial-strength bacteria that decomposes garbage
can also make you smaller as well. TR (TIGHT SMALL VOICE): You should never never never try to clean
The Press yourself. GK: There's no better way to deal with garbage. In goes trash
(FLOW OF TRASH) and in just a day, out comes….. SS: A brick. An adobe brick. TR: THE PRESS. GK: Solid. ( BUTTON) © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»