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Ketchup Advisory Board GK: ....brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board. SS: These are the good years for me and Jim. The kids didn't come home
for Thanksgiving --- their therapists thought it wasn't a good idea and
they're both terrified to fly as a result of unpleasant drug experiences.
So we were free to use the out-of-court settlement we won from Coca-Cola
for causing the tooth decay that cost me a few teeth that affected my
smile and destroyed my chances for Hollywood stardom ---- we used the
money to spend Thanksgiving in New York City. TR: Nice hotel room, Barb. Right on the air-shaft----- SS: It's called a courtyard, Jim. TR: Those garbage cans down there --- that is a courtyard? SS: This is a courtyard room, Jim. And it has a Parisian view. TR: Rooftops? Chimneys? SS: It's called a Parisian view. And it has courtyard access. That's
why it costs $1000 a night. Not including $200 in city room tax. TR: Fine. I don't care. Only thing that bothers me is the pay
toilet. Fifty cents per flush----- (HE SHRUGS) SS: It's Mayor Bloomberg's Pay As You Go system, Jim. New York City is
in the midst of a fiscal crisis and all of us have to do our part. TR: Too bad the city can't get a share of Rudy Giuliani's book
royalties. SS: So what do you want to do, Jim? Go to a show? Go out to dinner?
TR: A show is kind of expensive, isn't it? SS: Honey, it's Coca-Cola's money, not ours. Let's live it up. TR: I know, but --- spending money is so stressful. How about
we go see something restful --- "Our Town" is on Broadway, you
know---- SS: Jim. We're in New York. I didn't come here to hear about Grovers
Corners, for heaven's sake. We saw the kids' high school production. Let's
go blow a wad on dinner and a big show where a chorus line dances with
their hands up over their heads. TR: Okay, but do you mind if I bring a bottle of ketchup to dinner,
Barb? SS: You mean, Kaopectate? TR: No. Ketchup. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help RD (SINGS): These are the good years, say Kierkegaard and Hegel.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times. RD (SINGS): Ketchup...ketchup...ketchup. © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»