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Regret GK: It's January, it's cold, it's the time for regret and thinking
back over the past and what we might have done differently. What were
we thinking of? President Clinton, anything you regret, as you look back----
things you wish you'd done differently ----- people you met who you wish
maybe you hadn't met? TR (CLINTON): Well, I suppose----- sure--- some----- GK: People, you think, "Gosh, if only she hadn't worked at
the White House right then" ---- TR (CLINTON): Oh. Right. Her. Yeah. GK: I read somewhere that somebody figured out that you and she
saw each other for a grand total of eight hours. TR (CLINTON): Well, that sounds about right. GK: Eight hours and she's what people will remember about your
presidency. TR (CLINTON): You think so? GK: I know so. TR (CLINTON): (PAUSE) You mind making me a really stiff drink?
GK: If you had shaved your head and gone around to biker rallies
in a Jimi Hendrix T-shirt, it would've been forgiven and forgotten, but
that - that is going to be permanent, you know that. TR (CLINTON): Depends on what you mean by "that" and
"is"---- GK: Mr Former Vice-President? Anything you wish you could go back
and change? Wish you'd campaigned harder in Tennessee? TR (GORE): Well, of course, like any ordinary person, I may sometimes
say things, that, in retrospect, I see had a patronizing inflexion that
seems to have given people the idea that I, Al Gore, consider them to
be dodos. I sometimes use semicolons when I talk; I wish that I did not.
GK: Senator Trent Lott--- any regrets? TR (LOTT): No, none whatsoever. I was happy to serve and then
when the President decided to shoot me in the kneecaps, I was okay with
that. I just hope that my downfall won't make people reluctant to attend
Strom Thurmond's birthday party next year and stand up and make a speech.
GK: So you're okay with what happened? TR (LOTT): I've got lots of books to read. Like "One Hundred
Years of Solitude" and so forth. I'll be fine. GK: President Bush, anything you regret in the last couple of
years? TR (BUSH): Regret is a word we don't use much in Texas. Mainly
we like to make other people regret things that they did. (CHUCKLE) GK: You don't regret the big tax cuts that created these deficits
that may get bigger if the defense budget climbs to a half-trillion dollars
because no allies will help pay for the war? TR (BUSH): If we need money for the defense budget, we'll send
the Marines door to door to sell cookies. GK: So you don't have regrets? TR (BUSH): Never did. Don't aim to start now. GK: And now you've got this new stimulus package that would triple
the tax deduction for people who buy full-size S.U.V.s --- next thing
you'll have a tax break for people with big feet who fart a lot. TR (BUSH): S.U.V.s are part of homeland security. Anytime we need
100,000 people to go off-road in search of evil-doers, we just call em
up on their cell phones--- and they're on it. GK: You never think back to things you've said and wished you
could say them differently--- TR (BUSH): Nope. Never. GK: A speech you gave, you look at it, you think, "I could've
said that better." TR (BUSH): Nope. GK: Well, you're a lucky man. TR (BUSH): Yep. GK: Well, the rest of us suffer regrets from time to time. TR (BUSH): About what? GK: Oh. Things. TR (BUSH): Like what, for example? GK: Different stuff. TR (BUSH): Like name one. Name one thing you wish was different.
GK: Well, it's a whole series of things, actually. TR (BUSH): Like what? No, sir. I don't look back. To me, that's
backward thinking. Only thing I regret about the past is that there's
so much of it. Hard to remember. I'm a futurist. I say, look forward.
GK: Maybe you're right. Maybe we should try to be more positive.
TR (BUSH): You do that. This tax cut eliminating double taxation
of stock dividends is going to get this country moving again. GK: I'm trying to believe that. TR (BUSH): And S.U.V.s're going to keep the homeland secure against
these evildoers. GK: Good. TR (BUSH): It's the Think system of government. Think good things
and good things will happen. I'm gonna go take my nap now. GK: Thank you, Mr. President. (PLAYOFF) © Garrison Keillor 2003 |
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Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).
