APHC: Saturday, February 15, 2003

The Lives of the Cowboys
Saturday, February 15, 2003
Listen

(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN:Fred Newman)

(THEME.)

SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS. . .brought to you by Wild Bill Skin Moisturizer....---- it helps hide bruises from fistfights so you're still attractive to the gal you were fighting over ----And now, today's story.....Dusty and Lefty are taking a winter vacation from Life On the Trail and have come to Nashville to visit the Country Music Hall of Fame. (MUSIC OUT)

(SOME LIGHT CROWD AMBIENCE)

TR: $14.95------

GK: Keep your voice down.

TR: Fourteen ninety-five to get into a museum????

GK: Shut up or people will think we're a couple of low-grade no-account drifters.

TR: We are.

GK: You still smell a little bit of horse, you know that?

TR: I'm not surprised.

GK: I get a definite whiff of horse when I stand off to your right.

TR: You hang around with a creature for thirty years and you're definitely gonna pick up trace elements of it.

GK: Leave this to me, ------ Afternoon, ma'am.

SS: Afternoon. You want one adult ticket or two?

GK: I want two, ma'am, but the thing is, we're songwriters, so we don't need the adult ticket.

SS: You're songwriters?

GK: Yes, ma'am.

SS: Do you have identification?

GK: My fingertips, ma'am. You see the callouses? Hours of making D chords and on my right index finger the indentation of a No. 2 pencil.

SS: Very good. (TWO STAMPS) Two songwriter passes---- there you go.

GK: No charge?

SS: No charge. We figure you've suffered enough already.

GK: Thank you, ma'am. (FOOTSTEPS)

TR: Well, that was pretty slick.

GK: Here's the ticket taker here.

FN: Afternoon, gentlemen. First time here at the Hall of Fame?

GK: Yes, sir.

FN: You two are cowboys, right?

TR: That's right.

FN: Good. So you probably won't be going to the library on the third floor----

GK: No, sir.

FN: The historical exhibits are straight ahead. And, sir----

TR: You wantin to keep my six-shooter here?

FN: Please. It's just a rule.

TR: Okay. (CLUNK OF GUN ON DESK)

FN: Enjoy yourselves.

TR: We'll do our best. (MUSIC) (FOOTSTEPS, AND SAM BUSH MANDO THROUGH¼.)

GK: Wow. Look at that. The Delmore Brothers, Alton and Rabon. Their old microphone. And the Light Crust Doughboys with Bob Wills. The Sons of the Pioneers.

TR: And Tex Ritter. I may have to kneel down and pray, pardner.

GK: And Bill Monroe, and Flatt & Scruggs, and Uncle Dave Macon ---- the Dixie Dewdrop ----- and Roy Acuff, there's his fiddle and his yo-yo.

TR: And Minnie Pearl's hat with the price tag.

GK: Howdee I'm just so proud to be here.

TR: Look here. My favorite song.

GK: Which is that?

TR: "Born to Lose" -----

GK: Well, of course.

TR: Ted Daffen ---- written out in his own handwriting---- what a great song:

Born to lose
I've lived my life in vain/
Every dream has only brought me pain/
All my life, I've always been so blue/
Born to Lose; and now I'm losing you.

GK: Pretty well sums it up, don't it. Here's Lefty Frizzell, William Orville Frizzell, his Gibson guitar.

TR: And Webb Pierce's Silver Dollar Convertible. (HORN HONK) Chrome-plated Colt revolvers for door handles.

GK: Gosh, here's Wanda Jackson, my old heart throb. Loved her.
Hank Williams and Carl Perkins. Elvis. Don and Phil Everly. Got their start by opening for Bill Monroe.
(FOOTSTEPS)

TR: Johnny Cash. The man in black.

GK: What's this here? (FOOTSTEPS STOP)

TR: Madonna?

GK: Hmmm. Guess they're trying to be more inclusive.

TR: Well, she liked sequins too.

(FOOTSTEPS)

GK: What's this? Rapmaster Ralph----

(FOOTSTEPS STOP)

TR: Didn't know they had rap in country music.

GK: Press the Interactive button. See what it is.

TR: Okay. (RAP RHYTHM TRACK)

FN: I was standing on the corner on one cold and cloudy day
When I saw the cops were coming for to take my Rolex away.
"Undercover. Undercover. Undercover cops I see.
And I could not hide my sorrow when they slipped the handcuffs on me.

(CLICK)

(FOOTSTEPS)

GK: Country music sure changes with the times.

TR: Well, maybe it'll change back. What goes around comes around.

GK: Usually I think what goes around gets dizzy and goes away to lie down.
(FOOTSTEPS)

GK: Chet Atkins. Mr. Guitar.

TR: Handsome dude.

GK: "... a musician's musician, and a gentleman's gentleman..."

TR: Nice guitars.

GK: Lookit this. It says: "The isolation, the poverty,
that's what I came from. That's what makes you fight. That's what
makes you learn. That's what makes you develop your talent, if you
have any. And try to get out. I picked my way out of East Tennessee."

TR: Hey, what are you doing?

(STRUM)

GK: Boy, it's almost in tune. (TUNING)

TR: Hey, that's a museum piece.

GK: Not when I play it, it's not.

TR: I don't think you're in tune, Lefty----

GK: Well, it's always worked for me in the past. (HE STRUMS)

Dreaming of you and your lips so blue,
It's been winter forever, it seems.
Now it's February, out here on the prairie,
And it even snows in my dreams.
And though I do not know your name,
I'll sing you a song just the same.
If I could but start your car, little girl,
And clear the ice from your fuel line.
It is my ambition to thaw your transmission
And jump start your battery from mine.
Your engine would roar as I let out the clutch
And I drive you around on a tour.
If I could but start your car little girl
Then I would be happy, I'm sure. (YODEL)

TR: Put that guitar back in the case before they come and arrest us.

GK: You think maybe I should try to find a publisher here? Maybe cut a record?

TR: You? Record your music? I donno. Who can tell? You find someone who's been through a lot lately, they'd be grateful for almost anything.

GK: Well, let's see who's next----- (FOOTSTEPS)

(THEME)

SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS. . . brought to you by Wild Bill deodorant and snake spray ---- keeps you smelling good and you don't get bit by snakes.

(MUSIC OUT)