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Ketchup Advisory Board GK:…we'll be right back after this message from the Ketchup
Advisory Board. (PIANO) SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. We have a lot more
spare time now that we've given up on our investment portfolio and we
spend our time holding garage sales and selling off stuff we don't need
anymore like our calculator and all those books about building wealth
that we invested in back in the Nineties. The last of the kids' gerbils
died, finally, and so did the hideous azalea plant that we got as a gift
from the cemetery when we purchased a double plot there in March when
Jim got what we thought was lung cancer but it turned out to be an allergic
reaction to room freshener. So we should have been happy. But one night
I came downstairs to find Jim busy writing something in a legal pad. ---
Honey, what's wrong? It's two in the morning…. TR: I know, Barb, but I can't sleep. I've got too much on my mind.
SS: What is it? TR: When I went to bed last night, I was a Democrat, Barb, but
now---- I'm just not sure. SS: What happened? TR: I had a dream that the Republicans had slashed the budget
for serum for orphans, and passed a law to allow factory workers to earn
11 cents an hour and live in abandoned cars and the President appointed
a guy to the F.A.A. who believes the earth is flat, and I woke up thinking,
how can I stand by and let these terrible things happen? And the answer
is, I can do it by becoming a Republican. So they nominated a guy to the
Supreme Court who believes that thieves should have their hands cut off.
It's okay. I'm a Republican. We Republicans don't look back. We're the
party of the future. None of us can know the future. So focusing on the
future is a pretty good deal if you'd rather not know. SS: Jim? TR: Yes? SS: I wonder if you're getting enough ketchup. (MUSIC) RD: These are the good years, although the weather's rainy, GK: Ketchup…..for the good times. RD: Ketchup, ketchup, ketchup. © Garrison Keillor 2003 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»