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One Dad's Story HEARTWARMING THEME) TR: And now-----American Life & Trust, the insurance company
that cares about you, presents-----One Dad's Story(MUSIC FADES UNDER) GK: Father's Day is over --- thanks for the tie, by the way ---
and now it's midsummer and the longest days of the year and so naturally
our kids sleep all day, now that school is over. Sleep until noon. Sleep
all day. Set new all-time sleep records. TR: Should we wake him up? SS: Why? TR: He's been sacked out since Tuesday. Maybe there's something
wrong. It smells bad in there. SS: It always smells bad. He's fine. TR: Maybe we should check him for bite marks on his neck. He seems
kind of pale. And he's got dark lines under his eyes. SS: It's called mascara. It's the goth look. GK: When I was the age of these children, of course, we were up
at five a.m. to go to work in the fields. ALL: FN (FALSETTO) GK: Digging potatoes. It's what we had to do. (MINOR CHORDS) Twelve,
sixteen hours a day. Dig em until they were dug. That's how it was. And
for lunch --- TR (KIRK): Raw potato. Not so bad once you wash the dirt off. GK: We were just kids, 16, 17, 18 years old, but we were mature
for our age. TR (JOHN WAYNE): We're going to pick this field clean, boys. And
tomorrow we're going to come back and do it again. Long as those potatoes
keep growing, we're going to keep picking them. And someday --- we'll
have enough money saved up to go to college --- and major in English ---
so that when we go back to picking potatoes, we can spend our lunch breaks
reading Giants In The Earth and Grapes of Wrath. (BRIDGE) GK: That's how it was in my day. Life was hard for kids. There
was asbestos everywhere. We put it on our breakfast cereal. We rode bikes
and didn't wear helmets. We rode in the front seats of cars with no seat
belts. (FAST CAR FN: Hey, where's my breakfast tray? And this orange juice----
it's from a concentrate--- how many times do I have to tell you? GK: I went to school back before grade inflation, when you were
expected to write whole essays ---- nowadays teachers are happy if children
use words at all --- FN: "One of the most fascinating things about American history
is how long it's been in terms of time and also that so much of it is
in the past." SS: That is very good, Sean. And many of those words were more
than one syllable. Good for you! GK: And we were required to study actual academic subjects, like
Latin, English literature, plane geometry. Civics: we knew how elections
worked. Geography: we knew where countries were that wars were taking
place in. And now? SS: Today, class, we're going to begin our unit on spiders by
watching a Spider Man video ----- GK: I don't envy children today and the privileged lives they
lead ---- thanks to their spineless parents---- SS: (KNOCKING) Honey---- we're all at the table waiting to sing
Happy Birthday to you, honey --- could you give just a rough estimate
of when you might join us? GK: Our parents were strict. They laid down the line and we toed
the mark or else. TR: SWEDISH GK: When your father told you to do something, you went and did
it. TR: SWEDISH GK: There wasn't this pleading for cooperation that you find with
parents today--- SS: Honey, please. Try to understand how mommy feels when you
call me a big fat liberal wimp. Can you understand why that makes me sad?
GK: In my day, parents didn't expect to be understood. TR: SWEDISH GK: They expected to be obeyed. TR: ONE WORD SWEDISH COMMAND GK: And even if you had no idea what **** was, you went and did
what you thought it might mean and he told you if you were warm or not.
That's how it was. I think of this as I look at our children, sleeping
their young lives away ---- Back when I grew up, it was another day and
age. (HISTORICAL MUSIC) War clouds descended on our country (MUFFLED DRUMS),
as brother fought brother at Gettysburg (CANNON, HORSES, CRIES OF COMMAND),
and then the great push westward TR (TWANG): The Oregon Trail. GK: Soon the Tin Lizzy was all the rage (MODEL T) and ragtime
was coming in (RAGGY PIANO), and in Chicago Al Capone was the kingpin
(MACHINE GUN, TIRE TR (FDR) (SCRATCHES OF TRANSCRIPTION): All we have to fear is
fear itself. GK: And then D-Day ---- (CANNONS, PLANES) and the dark shadow
of McCarthyism---- TR: I decline to answer on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate
me. GK: And a new generation took power---- TR (JFK): Ask not what your country may do for you. Ask what future
generations may ask if you do what I am about to ask you to do. GK: And a new generation came together at Woodstock---- FN: (STONED) Oh man, this is good stuff. (TOKES) GK: And meanwhile, on the moon. TR (MUFFLED, ON RADIO): That is one small step for a guy, but
a giant leap in terms of what mankind is trying to do at this particular
point in time. GK: We saw history happen. We were there. And soon we'll watch
as that child sleeping all day will be standing up in front of the sanctuary
with someone else's child ---- SS (ADENOIDAL CHILD): I, Missy, take you, Joshua, to be my lawfully
wedded first husband---- (ORGAN) GK: And you'll shake your son-in-law's hand afterward---- TR (TEEN): Gosh, thanks for all the money, Mr. Williams. I'm going
to use it to put all my songs onto a CD---- FN: That's good, Josh. How about employment? TR (TEEN): What? FN: Health insurance? An apartment? TR (TEEN): Missy said we'd be moving in with you guys. GK: Maybe it's time you knocked on that bedroom door right now
(KNOCKING) and when the child doesn't open the door (POUNDING) don't give
up and when the child still doesn't open the door (CIRCULAR SAW, CUTTING
WOOD) cut the door out of the wall and push it in (CRUNCHING, CRASHING)
---- FN (TEEN): What?????? What are you doing???? I was GK: And tell that child what my father told me….. TR: (SWEDISH) GK: Which means---- SS: The child tax credit doesn't cover you anymore. You're too
old to be a deduction. Shape up or ship out. (SHIP'S HORN) SS: (WEEPY) My baby. Going away ---- what is he going to do? What
will become of him? TR (WEEPY): I wish I'd been a better father. I wish I'd taken
time to tell him stories. GK: Don't worry about it. Let him find his own stories. (SHIP'S
HORN) That's what I did. ---- One day I just got tired of picking potatoes
and trying to understand Swedish and (HORSE WHINNY) I got on my horse
and (GIDDUP, GALLOPING) I headed for Battle Creek, Michigan. It was a
town I knew from the back of cereal boxes and here in Battle Creek, I
found a decoder ring that (SPACE SOUNDS) told me what to do each day -------
(SPACE SOUNDS) a small plastic ring that was given away with boxes of
corn flakes and yet it's more sophisticated than any computer (SPACE SOUNDS)
---- and whatever I've accomplished in this world SS: Steady as she goes, mate. Careful. We have sleeping children
aboard. GK: Steady as she goes, Captain. (THEME) TR: One Dad's Story…..was brought to you by American Life
& Trust. © Garrison Keillor 2003 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»