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Ketchup Advisory Board GK: ….this portion of our show brought to you by the Ketchup
Advisory Board. (PIANO) TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. Our children are
in treatment and slowly they've begun talking to us again but not so much
that it troubles us. They sent me socks for Father's Day and I wore them
on a trip to Arizona and at the airport we discovered they were made of
hemp. The dogs who sniff for drugs almost had coronaries. I discovered
finally that I have a mild case of dyslexia and that's why I keep missing
birthdays and anniversaries but on the other hand I wrote down the numbers
wrong and I won the lottery. A hundred eighty grand. I was ecstatic. But
I found Barb sitting in the front yard in her pajamas. She wasn't wearing
mosquito repellent, which, in the Midwest in June, is a death wish, a
desperate cry for help. ---- Honey, what is it? SS: I had a facial today and it was so wonderful it made me nervous
that maybe I'm completely out of touch with reality. TR: Why? SS: And the stock market. It's going up a little. I think they
want us to think we've turned the corner. TR: What do you mean? SS: I mean ---- all the shopping, the music in elevators, the
wonderful coffee that gives us a buzz all day ----maybe we're completely
out of touch with reality. Just look at reality TV. Completely unreal.
Right? TR: Right---- SS: Maybe the reality is that the world is run by thieves and
vandals in suits and the whole stock market is a big scam and you and
I and our hard-earned dollars are sheep on our way to be sheared. And
we'll wind up living in a trailer park beside the freeway heavily medicated
and glued to reality shows TR: Barb, Barb… SS: Is that crazy? TR: Honey, I don't think you've been getting enough catchup. Catchup
contains natural mellowing agents that counteract chemical imbalances
in the brain and help you enjoy life in a positive fulfilling way. SS: Really? RD: (sings) These are the good years. It's summer on the lakes,
GK: Ketchup. For the good times. RD: (sings) Ketchup….ketchup. © Garrison Keillor 2003 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»