A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

TR: When I first met Kathy, her teeth were dazzling white and her eyes were bright and vivacious and her hair was natural and lustrous. And her navy blue sweater was practically lint-free.

SS: I remember how when he first looked at me, he fainted and I had to drive him to the emergency room and I spent the night at his bedside until he was out of danger.

TR: We were in love. We got married and went to Duluth for our honeymoon. That was twenty-seven years ago.

SS: Thirty-three.

TR: Something like that. Just call it thirty. Anyway, a few years back, I began to notice a change in Kathy. She was different somehow.

SS: After four kids and teaching high school for thirty years, my hair had lost its luster and my eyes were dull and my teeth were the color of concrete. He started flirting with waitresses and spending hours online in chatrooms.

TR: I needed something that Kathy couldn't provide anymore. Emotional intimacy. Youth. Bright teeth.

SS: I had my teeth whitened by a dentist. I found a medication that put the light back in my eyes. I had a hair transplant. And I used duct tape to remove lint from my clothing.

TR: She was a new woman. I fell in love with her all over again.

SS: I felt like a new woman too-and that was when I met Fred.

TK: Hi babes.

SS: Fred isn't like Ken. He's a biker.

TR: Kathy?

SS: Fred has a sense of adventure that I was missing in my marriage to Ken. Ken was into long-term planning. Fred wakes up every day thinking about what he can do today that's really exciting and fun.

TR: Kathy, what's wrong?

SS: Shut up. ---- Fred and I share a fondness for duct tape. In our new proactive lifestyle, there isn't time to sit around waiting for something to get fixed. We just slap some duct tape on it. (DUCT TAPE RIPPING AND TAPING),

TK: There.

SS: Let's go, baby. (REV OF BIKE AND ROAR AWAY)

TR: (OFF) Kathy!!! Kathy!!!

GK: A message from the American Duct Tape Council.