A Prairie Home Companion: October 18, 2003

Republicans
Saturday, October 18, 2003
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GK: Some of you may be wondering if the inclusion of leftist rabble-rouser Al Franken and known radical and I.W.W. sympathizer Utah Phillips on our show means that I've given up on trying to become a Republican, and the answer is, Most assuredly not. I feel that this country needs a sense of national unity, and we all know that Republicans are not going to fall in line behind Democrats, so it's up to Democrats to join Republicans. Liberals have always believed in looking at things from other points of view and now is a time to start looking at things from a Republican perspective. Try it and see if you don't feel better. That's all I'm asking, is to give it a try. All those years I was a Democrat I did nothing but worry about trees, owls, water pollution, test scores, world peace, hunger, homelessness, just one thing after another --- now that I'm a Republican, I don't have a worry in the world, because Republicans are the party of self-responsibility. If you're in trouble, it's your problem, it's not mine.

TR (BUSH): That is so important --- I just can't stress that enough. People shouldn't look to somebody else to get 'm out of hot water. They should look to their own selves. People should not look to me. I can't emphasize that enough.

GK: Yes, Mr. President. .

TR (BUSH): That's why I support the idea that if kids don't do well in school, we oughta take away their fake IDs. It's all about responsibility. That's what we're bringing to Iraq is a sense of responsibility. And things are getting better there. Despite what you read in the press. All the bad news. That's why I don't read the paper myself. I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for it but I get briefed by people who have read the news themselves and know what's true and what isn't. The situation there is getting better every day. Anybody who's been there can tell you that. People are playing golf again, people are planning vacation trips ---- the purchase of summer homes in Iraq has nearly tripled over the past six months. The sale of videocassettes is up. You take a close look at Iraq, it's not that different from west Texas.

GK: Okay. Well, you're the President, you ought to know.

TR (BUSH): That's what I say.

GK: If you're not getting accurate information, then who is?

TR (BUSH): My point exactly.

GK: If we can't trust you, then who can we trust?

TR (BUSH): You can trust me. And you have my word on that.

GK: There's a whole country united behind you, Mr. President. You're the man in the flight suit, the man who can bring this nation in on a wing and a prayer for a smooth landing. You're a man we've gradually come to know and to trust.

TR (BUSH): That's good. You keep working on that. And now I think it's time to sing your little song now.

GK: (SINGS)
We're all Republicans now
We've all come around somehow
We turned away
From French Chardonnay
We're all Republicans now
Cut taxes and deregulate
And down with the welfare state.

We're building new nations in the Mideast
We stand for democracy, progress and peace,
And we've got a piece, a piece of Iraq
Thanks to a thousand shares of Halliburton stock
We're all Republicans,
All Republicans,
We're all Republicans now.