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Halloween
Saturday,
November 1, 2003
Listen
(LIGHTNING, WIND, BACH'S TOCCATA AND FUGUE IN D MINOR)
Stage lights go down.
GK: It was very cold for Halloween this year and many of the trick-or-treaters who came around were carrying torches to keep warm. (VILLAGERS SHIVERING) Most of them were rather strange children whom we had never seen before in our neighborhood. (TR TEEN VAMPIRE: Trick or treat, money or blood. (SS TEEN CACKLE. TK ZOMBIE GROAN) The little kids from the neighborhood came early but these strange children kept coming, hour after hour. (LEAVES RUSTLING) And ever so often an animal would come to the door (DOG SNARL) such as the Hound of the Baskervilles (SNARL) or the Raven (SHRIEK). It was midnight and still people kept coming to the door. (DOORBELL)
SS (OFFKEY): We want candy. More candy.
TK: HEAVY RASPY BREATHING
GK: Strange little men with bad skin problems (TK ZOMBIE: My face keeps falling off). Werewolves. (WOLF HOWL) Martians. (TR: Klaatu Barada Nikto! (LASER GUN, EXPLOSION)) Mummies. (TR: MUFFLED, ANGRY EGYPTIAN). Governors. (TR (ARNOLD): Hand me over some of that chocolate, baby, or I'll be back.) And people from other galaxies. (VADER BREATHING) And you reach into your bucket and you come up empty. (FINGERNAILS ON PLASTIC) (TR (VADER): I find your lack of candy deeply disturbing. (LIGHTSABER ACTIVATION, DOOR SLAM))
GK: You look in the pantry and ---- (STING) you're out of candy. (TK PANIC) You look through the cupboards (RUMMAGE) and there's nothing. Nothing but some organic vegan United Nations nutrient biscuits. These kids'd eat you alive if you offered them that. What can you do? (POUNDING ON DOOR) You turn off the lights and you lie on the floor and are very very quiet. (POUNDING, REVERB) They won't go away. And then there's a knock, a familiar knock, like a ruler against a desk. And you go to the door. And you open it. (LOUD, SLOW CREAKING)
SS (UNDEAD MATH TEACHER): Hello, sonny. Remember me. I'm Miss Vanderbeek.
TK: Miss Vanderbeek!
SS (UNDEAD MATH TEACHER): Your 8th grade math teacher.
GK: It's her all right. Her faced is caked with decades of chalk dust, and she begins to bang her erasers together (SFX)
TK: I thought you were dead!
SS (UNDEAD MATH TEACHER): I am. But I'm still waiting for you to hand in your last quiz...
GK: She reaches into her pockets and pulls out… flashcards of algebraic equations (FLIPPING CARDS) covered in spiderwebs.
SS (UNDEAD MATH TEACHER): How do you factor a polynomial equation? What is the quadratic formula? How do you combine like terms? You'd better know these, sonny, or you'll never get anywhere.... ANYWHERE!(WILD CACKLING LAUGHTER)
GK: A wind comes up (SFX) and you look around, and suddenly there are cobwebs everywhere and there are small animals running in and out of your house (ANIMALS SCRABBLING) and bats flying (BATS) and the shutters are banging in the wind (SFX) and she's RIGHT. You didn't get anywhere. You're thirteen years old.
TK: (SCREAM)
(PLAY OFF)
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