A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Café Boeuf
Saturday, November 8, 2003
Listen

GK: This portion of our show is brought to you by Café Boeuf of Charlottesville, with your host, Henri.

TR (FRENCH): Char-loh-vee-ya.

GK: Pardon me?

TR (FRENCH): It is pronounced Char-loh-vee-ya.

GK: I thought it was named for an English princess, Charlotte.

TR (FRENCH): Actually, she was French. She passed for English by wearing brown and not using perfume. But she was French. So it's Char-loh-veeya.

GK: But I'm not French. So it's Charlottesville.

TR (FRENCH): C'est la vie.

GK: I thought you said it was Charl-oh-veeya.

TR (FRENCH): (FRENCH SHRUG AND COMPLAINT) So ---- we are holding a table for you for dinner?

GK: I can't. I'm doing the show.

TR (FRENCH): The reservation is for ten p.m.

GK: Dinner at 10? That's late.

TR (FRENCH): You're not in the Midwest now, monsieur. This is Charl-oh-veeya. It's not Lynchburg.

GK: Okay, whatever you say.

TR (FRENCH) Smoking or non-smoking?

GK: Non-smoking.

TR (FRENCH): We do not have a non-smoking section. We are French. French people smoke. Especially in Virginia.

GK: Okay. Smoking then.

TR (FRENCH): Good choice. And do you wish the menu in English or French?

GK: Is there a difference?

TR (FRENCH): Between English and French???? Yes. Certainmentl. (*FRENCH KNOWING LAUGHTER) The French menu has things like (FRENCH). Or the (FRENCH).

GK: These are like brains and the lungs, am I right?

TR (FRENCH): Yes. And bladders.

GK: Bladders?

TR (FRENCH): Goose bladders. A great delicacy.

GK: I had no idea.

TR (FRENCH): Almost as good as goose livers.

GK: Remind me to try it someday.

TR (FRENCH): The goose is forced to drink a bottle of fine Bourdeaux ---- a 1988 (FRENCH NAME) ---- and the goose dies happy and his bladder is lightly sauteed in (FRENCH WORD) ------

GK: This (FRENCH WORD) ---- is this like butter?

TR: What about my wife's suitcase?

GK: No, no, no.......

TR (FRENCH): My wife's suitcase is in your bedroom?

GK: Okay then. Dinner tonight at 10.

TR (FRENCH): I demand satisfaction, monsieur. (TWO SLAPS) You have insulted my honor. And my luggage. Forks or knives, monsieur??

GK: A message from Café Boeuf, Charlottesville.

(PLAY-OFF)