Catchup
 Saturday, November 29, 2003
Listen
GK: …After this message from the Ketchup Advisory Board.

TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. Barb's hormone replacement therapy kicked in and now she no longer weeps at Kodak commercials. We fixed the leak in the upstairs toilet and with the money we're saving on the water bill we purchased tickets to the Simon & Garfunkel concert and had a wonderful time, though we were surprised that so many elderly people are into their music now. And then one day I came home from work and found Barb sitting at the computer weeping.

SS: Oh, Jim. I didn't realize how little was going on in our lives until I started writing our annual Christmas letter We've accomplished nothing this year. We haven't done a single thing.

TR: We have a new big-screen TV in the other room that says different, Barb.

SS: So what, Jim? We haven't gone anywhere, we haven't met anybody-----Except for----well----

TR: Except for what?

SS: Oh. Nothing. Never mind. ----We haven't learned anything new all year. Life is empty.

TR: We learned that the third prong on an electrical plug is there for a reason.

SS: There's nothing we can point to except that our fat pants became our regular pants.

TR: You could write about what the kids are up to these days. Make up something. Say they're learning to deal with their feelings. And how to make license plates.

SS: I can't lie to people, Jim. And it just depresses me how empty our lives are that I can't think of a single thing to talk about. Nothing. Except for---- (SIGH)----

TR: Except for what, Barb?

SS: Nothing.

TR: What is it?

SS: It's nothing. Never mind.

TR: Maybe you're not getting enough ketchup, Barb. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help to relax a person's standards and make you satisfied with less.

RD (SINGS):
These are the good years, the holidays are low-key
The nights are quiet, the days are okey-dokey
Life is flowing like ketchup on some gnocchi

GK: Ketchup. For the good times.

RD (SINGS): Ketchup…ketchup…


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