A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Thanksgiving
Saturday, November 29, 2003
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Thanksgiving Day was good at my house (TV AUDIO, GAME), women in the kitchen adding butter to everything. (SQUISH), whipping the potatoes (BEATER), finishing off the turkey with a blowtorch (SFX) -----

SS (MOM): Hi honey. Come on in and take a load off.

GK: How's it going, Mom?

SS (MOM): Soon as we whomp up the spuds, we'll get the show on the road.

GK: It sure smells good. But what's in that glass?

SS (MOM): This glass with the little paper parasol? Oh, it's a little Grand Marnier and grapefruit juice. It's called a Florida Fastball.

GK: Mom, is that a new dress you're wearing?

SS (MOM): This little black number?

GK: I don't remember seeing that before.

SS (MOM): You're not very observant.

GK: And those little white paper cartons? Are those----

SS (MOM): I've been cooking turkey so long, I sort of lost my taste for it. So I ordered some shrimp in garlic sauce with bok choy and mushrooms.

GK: You ordered take-out?

SS (MOM): I've been doing it for years.

GK: You have?

SS: Remember how every Thanksgiving I'm always getting up to go get something in the kitchen?

GK: Yes?

SS (MOM): That's what I went to get. Shrimp in garlic sauce.

GK: You really don't care for turkey?

SS (MOM): It's pumped full of hormones and it makes people logy and passive. Look at your uncles----

GK: Well-----

SS (MOM): Soon as I put the food on the table, I'm going to the casino and play some blackjack.

GK: Mom!

SS (MOM): Been doing it for years. They haven't missed me yet. See you later, alligator. (MUSIC BRIDGE)