Saturday,
December 6, 2003
Listen
(MUSIC)
GK: As we approach Christmas, it's time to remind ourselves that we are Americans and when our people came here, they came for a reason... (SAILS, WIND, BOAT RIGGING)
TR: (SWEDISH NAUSEA)
SS: Ten days on the north Atlantic, Svend, ten days of seasickness and scurvy and suffering, and then we'll be in New York, and we'll never have to eat lutefisk for Christmas ever again. (MUSIC)
GK: Yes, our forefathers and foremothers left the Old World for the New because they wanted to be free---- free to celebrate Christmas the way they saw fit.
TR: Throw that turkey overboard. (TURKEY PANIC) Never going to eat it anymore. It's dry and tasteless---- from now on, Christmas is going to be shrimp in garlic sauce.
GK: In Europe, Christmas was celebrated according to strict guidelines handed down by the aristocracy. (MOUTH TRUMPETS)
SS (QUEENLY): We shall have eggnog at 8 p.m. after which we shall each open one present after which we shall sing O Come Heavenly King and then we shall all burst into tears.
GK: This sort of dogmatic view of Christmas was what drove our people to come here----
TR: America. It's a free country, Mama. We'll never have to sing The Little Drummer Boy again. (SS WEEPING)
GK: And that's why people left the East and moved West. For freedom. (HORSE WHINNY)
TR (CLUCKING TO OXEN): Hee-yaw! Wagons westward! Ho! (OXEN PULL, CREAK OF OXCART)
SS (GIRL): Why are we leaving Vermont, Pa?
TR: We're going to California, Laura, where they don't have so many damn traditions. All that Celtic stuff and the Solstice stuff and the handbells and the damn fiddles. In California, we can spend Christmas playing tennis and have a Christmas dinner of shrimp in garlic sauce. (MUSIC)
GK: Celebrating Christmas as you wish... it's the American way...
SS: How do you like it? It's turkey lasagna except instead of turkey I used scallops.
GK: A message from the Christmas Libertarian Committee.
(MUSIC OUT)
