A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Café Boeuf
Saturday, January 31, 2004
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GK: …today's show is brought to you by the Café Boeuf on Burgundy Street with Henri, the maitre'd. Bon soir, Henri.

TR (FRENCH): Do I want a cigar? No I don't.

GK: No, no, no----- I said Bon soir.

TR (FRENCH): A red cigar---- why would I want a red cigar?

GK: Never mind. What's on the menu tonight?

TR (FRENCH): Tonight on the menu we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH)---- and that is fixed in a Sauce (GIBBERISH) and served on a bed of (GIBBERISH). Along with a (FRENCH VOCALISM FOR SMALL) of (GIBBERISH).

GK: I see.

TR (FRENCH): You wish to order some of that?

GK: This dish---- this (GIBBERISH) ---- is this ----

TR (FRENCH): Non non non---- I didn't say that, I said (GIBBERISH)----

GK: What did I say?

TR (FRENCH): You said that my wife looks like a suitcase.

GK: Henri, I know that New Orleans has a great culinary tradition but I'm from the north, and we don't eat things that are bug-like, with antennae, like crawfish----

TR (FRENCH): This is not crawfish.

GK: No?

TR (FRENCH): Non non non. No crawfish in the (FRENCH GIBBERISH NAME).

GK: No intestines? I know southerners eat intestines. Brains. We northerners don't go for brains.

TR (FRENCH): We have noticed this, monsieur. Believe me.

GK: So what is this---- this---- the thing you said-----

TR (FRENCH): Catfish.

GK: Oh. Okay.

TR (FRENCH): The lips of the catfish.

GK: How about I just have boeuf?

TR (FRENCH): Excellent choice.

GK: I'll just have the boeuf. Is it organic?

TR (FRENCH): You wish the organs too?

GK: No, no----- just the boeuf.

TR (FRENCH): And how about I serve the boeuf in a special sauce, our (LONG FRENCH NAME)----

GK: Heck. Whay not. But don't tell me what's in it. Okay? Promise.

TR (FRENCH): I am zipping my lips and throwing away the key.

GK: The Café boeuf…. The home of bon temps, of élan, of joie de vivre, of passion, of (BOTH, KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH)---- (PLAYOFF)