A Prairie Home Companion: January 31, 2004

Fritz Electronics
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Listen

GK: Super Bowl Sunday means that ten people are coming over to your house for about twice as long as any party should last unless ---- you get the new Fast Forward Remote from Fritz Electronics. It lets you skip right past the commercials and the halftime show, and just watch the game.

SS: It's wonderful! The game is over in about an hour and Dave's friends are still able to operate a motor vehicle.

GK: The Fast Forward Remote ---- how'd you ever come up with a thing like that, Fritz?

TR (FRITZ): I donno. I was working on making a garage door opener that would also call the dog and I crossed some wires and the whoozits got connected to the whatchamacallits and I come up with this.

GK: A sort of Time Machine.

TR (FRITZ): Yeah, you could say that.

GK: But it only works on the TV, right.

TR (FRITZ): Well, there've been a couple accidents.

GK: What happened?

TR (FRITZ): Well, the lawyers would rather I didn't say anything yet while we're still negotiating a settlement.

GK: What happened?

TR (FRITZ): Oh some teenagers were messing around with it and pointing it at each other and all of a sudden they were bachelor men in their mid-fifties who were in love with fourteen-year-old girls. .

GK: So it is a Time Machine.

TR (FRITZ): Well, we put the warning right on the thing, Do Not Point At Human Beings, Only At TV Set.

GK: The Fast Forward Remote relieves the tedium and concentrates the game into the intense experience that football is meant to be.

(INTENSE AUDIENCE CHEER)

SS: Nice of you to drop by. See you next year.

GK: The Fast Forward Remote from Fritz ---- Use Only At Directed, Do Not Aim At Other People.