Rhubarb
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Listen

GK: …….after a message from Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie and frozen pie filling.

It's Valentine's Day, and you and the love of your life go out for dinner at the Maison de la Canoodle and you splurge on a taxi and it pulls up (BRAKES SQUEAL) and the driver is an old friend of hers.

TR (RUSSIAN): Karen ----- it's been so long. I've thought of you so many many times…..so many lonely nights.

GK: Honey, who is this?

SS: A friend. An old friend.

TR (PASSIONATE RUSSIAN)

SS: He tutored me in my Pushkin course. (CAR PULLS AWAY)

GK: And then at the restaurant, the waiter…..

FN: Good evening, my name is Craig and I'll be your server---- Oh my god, Karen. Oh my gosh. I can't believe it. Oh baby----- (TO G.K.) I'm sorry. Karen and I used to be engaged ------- (TO SS) How are you? Where have you been? You never called----

SS: Craig---- please ------ it's over.

GK: It's not the romantic dinner you were hoping for, what with having her old boyfriend wait on you.

(PLATES, GLASSES)

FN: Here's your scallops, darling. I asked the chef to braise them. I remember how you loved that. ------ And here, sir, is your drink----- oh----- (SPILLED) Oh I am so sorry. I do apologize.

GK: Even the busboy looks at her strangely----

TR: Hi, Karen. Remember me?

GK: And now every guy you meet looks like an old flame of hers ----- the parking lot guy-----

FN: Hey----- nice shoes.

GK: The ticket taker at the movie theater----

TR: Hey, you two have yourselves a good time. Heh heh heh heh.

GK: What did he mean by that?

SS: I don't know.

GK: He sure looked like he knew you.

SS: I never saw him before in my life.

GK: And during the movie (FN MOVIE SOUNDTRACK, WHINNIES. HORSES RIDING. BUGLES. SOME DISTANT GUNFIRE. DIALOGUE.) this guy sits down next to her.

TR: Hi. Long time, no see. How you been? Good to see you. Who's this? (BRIDGE)

GK: When you get home, you're tight-lipped, silent, your face is burning.

SS: I know what you must think ----- that I've been running around with every guy in town ---- but it's not true. Please try to understand that. We're both mature people. We're lucky to have found each other. We can't be jealous of each other's pasts. We really can't.

GK: And you can buy that, but then your brother comes over----

TR: Hey, how's it going? Haven't talked to you in ages------ Karen?????? What are you doing here?

SS: You mean ---- you and him----- you're brothers? Oh my gosh-----

GK: Wouldn't this be a great time for a piece of rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing takes the taste of humiliation and squashed romance out of your mouth like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.

(SINGS)

One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie
Serve it up, nice and hot
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought

(DUET)

Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Bebopareebop rhubarb pie
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Bebopareebop rhubarb pie
Bebopareebop rhubarb pie