February 21, 2004
……after this message from the Catchup Advisory Board.
SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. The kids are both in Idaho being brainwashed by a fundamentalist cult that believes the world is ending April 15th and so they're not filing income tax returns. Jim found out that by hitting the TV with the heel of his hand just under the channel knob, we could get all the deluxe cable channels for free. So he's been busy. After two years of therapy, my therapist figured out that my dreams about bananas were caused by a potassium deficiency. And the other day I decided to leave Jim with the cable shows and use my frequent flyer miles and visit my niece Marcy in Boston so I did and got off the plane and there was this stylish young woman there to meet me.
ER: Oh hi, Aunt Barb.
SS: Oh, you look so chic. I wished I'd worn something other than my old Yellowstone sweatshirt. And I love your hair-I wonder if I should try straightening mine.
ER: Actually, I think a tight perm works pretty well for you. I like your shoes. I didn't know Dr. Scholl's made high heels ---- they really look comfortable.
SS: Oh, I just feel so frumpy. I need a fresh look. My eyes need more definition and my lips are just there.
ER: You look fine.
SS: Awww---- Tell me the truth, what do you think of surgical outlining? Where they inject dye for more definition?
ER: Your eyes look pretty well defined to me. I love the brown eye shadow.
SS: I'm not wearing eye shadow.
SS: I've waited long enough. I'm going to get botoxed and have my lips plumped and my butt lifted.
ER: Aunt Barb, maybe you're not getting enough Catchup. Catchup contains natural mellowing agents that give you the inner perky freshness you need so you don't need to have your nose lifted.
SS: Are you sure?
ER: Sure. Let's go down to the café and order some tofu and sushi and a big bowl of Catchup.
SS: Well, ok.
RD (SINGS): These are the good years in Boston and
The world is your oyster, so just go out and shuck it.
And bring along some Catchup, about a half a bucket.
GK: Catchup. For the good times.
RD (SINGS): Catchup…Catchup…