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Norwegenetics
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Listen
…….this portion of our show is brought to you by Norwegenetics…….one-stop shopping for in vitro fertilization and genetic planning. (PLEASANT PIANO)
When it comes time to make a family, you don't want to leave things to chance ---- you want what's best for you.
SS: I don't want to have twins. Please.
TR: Not a problem.
SS: I want a daughter.
TR: Okay.
SS: And I want my daughter to be good at math.
TR: We can do that.
SS: But beautiful.
TR: Of course. How would you like a blonde with blue eyes whose really good at skiing?
SS: Is that possible?
At Norwegenetics it is. Everything is possible nowadays.
TR: After we fertilize the egg, we culture the embryo in the lab for a few days and then take a cell sample and analyze the chromosomes and arrange them to suit your shopping list. Math ability, hair and eye color, susceptibility to colds, emotional makeup ----- and if you'd like your child to be blonde, blue-eyed PLUS quiet, industrious, and able to endure cold weather, that's no problem.
Here at Norwegenetics, we let you decide the sex of your child to achieve a balanced and harmonious family. Two daughters followed by a son. One boy and then a girl. Or all-girls. Whatever pattern you like.
SS: Boys tend to be bigger at birth so labor is going to take you longer and baby boys are more irritable in the first few weeks, so there's that. And don't believe what they tell you about nurture ---- boys and girls are just plain different. Girls invent extended family groups with their dolls and carry on elaborate fantasy play and little boys turn everything into guns. They're more likely to be a discipline problem. Girls do better in reading so they're less likely to get in trouble: they just sit with their nose in a book. Girls develop the left side of the brain faster and have better verbal skills and this can be a problem in adolescence: boys go off and brood whereas girls stick around and drive you nuts. Boys are more likely to be independent and solve their own problems. Also to be antisocial. Parents of daughters are more likely to divorce. Anyway, it's up to you.
GK: That's our motto at Norwegenetics. It's up to you. It's your call. You decide the gender, you decide when to get pregnant, and you decide who the child will be. Take a good look at your husband. If there are things about him that you'd just as soon not pass on to your children, that's up to you. We have sperm donors here, if you want. (TR NORWEGIAN) Tall, blonde, hardy, good skiers, no complaining, and glad to eat fish.
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