A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

SFX
Saturday, May 1, 2004
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GK: If you're dissatisfied with your present line of work (CRY OF DESPAIR), if you're tired of the copier (FAST WHAPPING SFX), the telephone (RING), the fax (RING), the cellphone (RING), the phone (RING), the fax (RING), the cell (RING), the fax (RING, then maybe it's time you found freedom (WHINNY AND GALLOP), adventure (TARZAN CRY), and financial reward beyond your wildest dreams (FIENDISH GREEDY CHUCKLES) ---- in a new career as a radio sound effects man. (WHOOPEE). The American Society of Sound Effects Specialists says: Give yourself the sound effects aptitude test. Can you do chickens----- dogs panting------ a siren------- and here's the tough one: water dripping. Can you do drips? (LET AUDIENCE DO THIS)

If you can, then you have what it takes to succeed in the lucrative radio sound effects world. Join the American Society of Sounds Effects Specialists and appear in commercials for farm implements (TRACTOR), vacation resorts (TENNIS GAME), hardware stores (DRILL), music stores (BAGPIPE), retirement villages (GEEZER SINGING: All you need is love…..I heard the news today, oh boy), , and perform in movies (DARTH VADER BREATHING), on the radio (HIP HOP BASS AND PERCUSSION). So don't settle for a humdrum life (COPIER), break out of the 9-to-5 (ROCKET BLAST), and get into sound effects. The money's good and in no time you'll be living in California (SURF, GULLS), and drinking expensive coffee (ESPRESSO SFX) and owning a pedigreed dog (WOOFS), joining a health club (SWIMMING POOL DIVING BOARD, SPLASH), eating vegetarian food (SQUISH, SQUOSH), learning to meditate (OMMMMMM. HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE), and becoming a devotee of the Rama Lama Ding Dong (SITAR), and finding inner peace by embracing complete silence. Total silence. (DRIPS)