Saturday, May 8, 2004
GK: It's spring and your children are about done with school.
SS (TEEN): School is really, like, un-fun. I am so, like, sick of it.
TR: I wish you'd try harder. You're so intelligent-----
SS (TEEN): Yeah, whatever.
TR: If you'd just try-----
SS (TEEN): Why are you all up in my grill over this---- You're just totally hating on me. Why you gotta be a hater? Why you gotta hate on everything I do? I'm getting out of here. You are just too freaked out. This is totally out of control.
SS (TEEN): I'm taking your car. Don't wait up.
TR: Have a nice time.
SS (TEEN): Don't tell me what to do! (DOOR SLAM)
TR: What happened to my little girl? I never should've let her watch MTV. (ORGAN CHORD)
SS (OLDER NUN): I'm Sister Mary Margaret, O.H.A. Many parents of young women have decided to offer their daughters a cloistered learning experience, and if that's your choice, the Convent of the Sisters of Holy Adolescence is here to help. We're located in northern Wisconsin, in the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior, on a little rocky island without electricity. It's like a Junior Year Abroad except without radios, CDs, or cellphones. In just twelve months, we can make a big difference in your daughter's life.
TR: Jessica!!! You're wearing a skirt and blouse!! And the big hole in your nose is almost healed!! And you're smiling at me!
SS (CHEERY TEEN): Oh Daddy, all year, I've been looking forward to seeing you again.
TR: How was it, honey----?
SS (CHEERY TEEN): Well, after you tied me up and put me in the trunk and drove me up north and put me in the boat, I must admit I had issues. But I learned so much at Holy Adolescence. I learned how to catch herring in a net and cook rutabagas and make undergarments out of burlap. And I learned to speak English without using the word "like" four times in every sentence.
TR (WEEPY): My daughter!! Speaking in whole sentences!!! Oh you've made me so happy!!! (HE WEEPS)
GK: The Convent of the Sisters of Holy Adolescence. If your daughter has no definite plans for the summer, why not take her on a car ride to northern Wisconsin? The Apostle Islands are conveniently located an hour east of Duluth. (ORGAN CHORD)
TR, TK, GK (GREGORIAN): She'll thank you for it someday.