A Prairie Home Companion: May 29, 2004

Rhubarb
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Listen

GK: All of us go through life pursued by fear, the fear of making mistakes (BAD BUZZER) ------ bad mistakes (WORSE BUZZER) ------ really embarrassing mistakes (BIG STINKY) -------the fear of being unattractive---- (CHORD)

SS: Would you mind standing over here for the photograph?

GK: Behind him?

SS: Yes. Thank you.

GK: The fear of poverty -----(CHORD)

FN (ELECTRONIC VOICE): Your credit card has been declined. (ECHOS, STEEL DOOR SLAMS SHUT. SIREN DISTANT)

GK: The fear of old age----

SS: Here---- can I helpyou? Let me take your elbow. Can you manage that shopping bag?

GK: The fear of being stupid-----

TR: Vitiate. You know what it means, I assume. You went to college, right? V-I-t-I-a-t-e. Vitiate.

GK: The fear of knowing too much----

SS: You see in the paper this morning where they say that men your age who drink more than four cups of coffee a day experience gradual loss of cognitive function?

GK: The fear of embarrassment-----

TR: Hey. Psssst. There's something-----

GK: Why are you pointing to your nostril? Oh my gosh. There's something hanging out of my nose. How long has it been there? Let me look at that photograph. Oh no. It was there last week.

GK: There is the fear of heights----- (CREAKING OF TOWER SWAYING, MAN'S ALARM). The fear of being buried alive. (FN PINCHED: HELLO? Hello? KNOCKS) And the fear of putting your tongue on a frozen pump handle in January and not being able to get it off. (SIZZLE OF FREEZE. TONGUE STUCK) And the fear of (CICADA)------ bugs. There's one on my neck. (CICADA) It's crawling up toward my mouth. Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie---- (PIE THEME)