A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Methodist Blues (lyrics)
Saturday, June 12, 2004
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I've been going to church every Sunday morn
Still don't know if I've been reborn
I'm sixty years old, is there something I've missed
Or is it just that I'm Methodist?
I got the Methodist blues.

The organist's mad, the pastor's unhappy
The hours are long and the pay is crappy
Troubles? O we got a whole long list
Because we are Methodists
Got the Methodist blues

The sound system's bad, there's a buzz in the speaker
The budget is busted, the collection is meager,
This great big debt load we been carryin
Maybe we oughta be Unitarian

People gossip about who did what,
The ladies circle is a pain in the butt.
Want to slap their face or at least their wrist
But I can't cause I am a Methodist
I got the Methodist blues

We're not big on shows and dances,
Mixed drinks or big romances
I've been hugged but never French kissed
That's because I'm a Methodist
I got the Methodist blues

Everybody wants to sit in the back pews
Want the sermon to reflect their views
Some of these Christians, they are the rudest
What do you say we try being Buddhist?

The same ten people always volunteer,
Half of them old, the others just weird,
How ever do we manage to persist
We do it by being Methodist
I got the Methodist blues.

People offer to help then they don't remember
It can make you almost lose your temper
Sit and steam and clench your fist
But you can't hit them, you're Methodist,
Got the Methodist blues.

God put us here to serve a mission
But people won't come if you don't air condition.
We've got the blues and we're getting more bluish
Why don't we switch to Jewish?

Everyone's afraid of change.
Don't like anything new or strange.
Or we get our underwear in a twist
That's how it is with a Methodist
I got the Methodist blues