A Prairie Home Companion: June 19, 2004

Catchup
Saturday, June 19, 2004
(Recorded June 18 for broadcast on June 19)
Listen

.....after a word from the Ketchup Advisory Board.

SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. We've been throwing out stuff from the kids' rooms and luckily the garbage man came a day early so when the narcotics squad arrived with a search warrant, everything was gone to a landfill. Jim cleared out a bushel of small change from the bureau dresser and took it to the bank and we were going through the front door when a bank robber came running out and he tripped over the bushel and was apprehended and we collected a $25,000 reward even though he was Jim's brother. We decided to spend some money on a luxurious vacation in California at the Montparnasse Spa where tiny women with oil-soaked stockings walk all over your body. We were dazed and euphoric and we collapsed in our king-size bed with the 300-count Egyptian cotton sheets and slept and slept until noon, and then we woke up.

SS: Morning.

TR: Yes.

SS: You look relaxed.

TR: So relaxed.

SS: Me too.

TR: The sun. The massage.

SS: We have another one scheduled for two.

TR: Massage?

SS: Yes. And steam room.

TR: Sit by the pool?

SS: Yes. Drink some Echinacea tea.

TR: I don't know if I can.

SS: Why?

TR: I can't get out of bed.

SS: Why not?

TR: Too relaxed.

SS: Sure you can. ----- Oh. ------ You're right.

TR: What are we going to do?

SS: We need ice, Jim.

TR: The phone is on your side.

SS: I'm not sure I can reach it.

TR: Use the speakerphone.

SS: How?

TR: Just say, Speaker.

SS: Speaker!

(PHONE RING)

FN (ON PHONE): Front desk. How may I help you?

SS: We need ice. About a wheelbarrowful. We need someone to dump it into our bed so we trigger our natural circadian cycle and become mobile again.

FN (ON PHONE): We'll be right up.

SS: We made a mistake, Jim. We don't need a spa to relax. Not when we have ketchup. Ketchup gives you natural mellowing agents so you get as relaxed as you need to be but still operate in the real world. Let's remember that in the future. Jim? Jim?

RD (SINGS): These are the good years, here in paradise
Everything is perfect, or at least pretty nice.
Life is flowing, like ketchup on brown rice.

GK: Ketchup....for the good times.

RD (SINGS): Ketchup, ketchup, ketchup.