A Prairie Home Companion: September 25, 2004

Bridesmaid Insurance
Saturday, September 25, 2004
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GK: ...back after this message from Soft Hands Insurance.

SS: I had a lot of friends in college. And I cherished them all. But then, one by one, my friends started to announce their wedding plans. (OMINOUS CHURCH BELLS) And those friendships became a liability. Literally. Big church weddings with six or eight or fourteen bridesmaids, including me, and for each one I had to spend $400 (CASH REGISTER Ka-CHING) on a dress I'd never wear again, plus shoes, flowers, airfare (AIRPLANE TAKES OFF) a gift for the bridal shower plus a wedding gift, a bachelorette party with a male stripper dressed as a pirate, (TR: Ahoy thar, matey!). I maxed out four different credit cards, and now instead of going to medical school as I'd planned, I'm trying to pay off $45,000 in debt by making crystal methamphetamine in my apartment. Speed, crank, zip—I'm turning it out day and night and selling it in jelly jars, just to pay off bridesmaid debt.

TR: Too bad she didn't know about Bridesmaid Insurance. It comes with a taffeta-dress deductible, after which it pays 100% of all costs for family weddings, 80% of high school or college friends' weddings, and up to 65% for people you didn't realize were such good friends until it was too late.

SS: I was going to be a pediatrician but now I'm a drug-dealer on the road to the penitentiary. Why? Because I'm well-liked! (WEEPS)

TR: The costs of being a bridesmaid are astronomical, and they're only getting worse. Without proper planning, being in even a handful of weddings could leave you financially destitute and forced to sell illegal drugs. Get Bridesmaid Insurance today. From Soft Hands Insurance.

MUSIC OUT