English Majors script
Saturday, October 9, 2004

...after a message from the Professional Organization of English Majors. (BIRDS, WHISTLING, FOOTSTEPS)

GK: As an English major, one is naturally in a good mood most of the time — a good knowledge of English is salubrious — you are transported by words, such as exultant and beatific and felicity — you amble or perambulate or trip lightly or gallivant and felicitous phrases tumble through your consciousness — "how sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank, here we will sit, and let the sounds of music creep in our ears."

TR: Hey— you—

GK: Yes?

TR: Can I help you?

GK: Help me what?

TR: Well, you're walking looking at stuff — can I help you find what you're looking for?

GK: Are you a sales clerk?

TR: Yeah?

GK: Since you are a sales clerk, then, the presumption is that you could help me — so you'd ask permission to help me — you'd say, "May I help you?"

TR: Oh.

GK: "Can" means "Do I have the ability to help you?" "May" means "do I have your permission?"

TR: Okay.

GK: When should one stick up for correct usage and when is it better to relax one's standards?

TR: What're you looking for?

GK: I'm looking for a wrench.

TR: Could I help you?

GK: You could. I'm looking for a wrench for a friend name Reneé; Reneé with an accent over the second E.

TR: You must be an English major.

GK: I am, actually.

TR: Ohhhhh. (ADORINGLY) I love English. It's such a rich, multilayered language. To devote one's life to it—how exultant. My name is Desireé. Also with an accent.

GK: I love accents. I'm starting to hear music creeping in my ears.

TR: You are so... articulate.

TR: Curses. Foiled again. By an English major.

GK: A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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