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Catchup
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Listen
...after a message from the Ketchup Advisory Board. (PIANO)
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. I cleaned out the garage finally and I found our old Cheney-Bush sign from four years ago so we put it up in the front yard and chained it to a tree and we put up a sign next to it saying, "Thou Shalt Not Steal" and one that said,"Go ahead, make my day." And then Barb came home and really got on my case.
SS: I don't want that sign on the lawn, Jim. I've decided that I'm undecided.
TR: Since when? You and I—we've always voted Republican. When did you become undecided?
SS: I don't know. I just didn't like it during the debate that he was so smiley. I hate to see the President of the United States grinning when he's talking about skyrocketing health costs and nuclear proliferation.
TR: The President is a happy guy, unlike that sourpuss Kerry, that flip-flopper, that liberal.
TR: How can you do this to me? Come unglued like this. Barb, it's an extremely close election. We need every vote we can get. If you go AWOL, you might very well tip the balance to the forces of darkness.
SS: AWOL????
TR: Barb, the thought of you voting Democratic makes me want to go into a dim room and curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. You'd break my heart.
SS: I didn't say I was going to vote Democratic. I said I'm undecided.
TR: That's just as bad. If you're not with us, you're against us, Barb. It's as simple as that.
SS: What are you saying? That I don't have the right to make up my own mind?
TR: No, what I'm saying is that I may have to take you into protective custody, Barb.
SS: What????
TR: If I need to, I'll lock you in the basement, rather than have you vote for weakening our national defense and opening the door to terrorists.
SS: You try putting me in the attic, Jim, and you're going to find out what I've been doing at tae kwon do for the past six months.
TR: Barb— what happened? The President needs our support. Think how he'd feel if he knew that you were thinking of defecting. He's worked so hard—
SS: Jim. I think we need some ketchup. Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that keep a person calm even during a tight election race. What do you say we go get some crackers and ketchup right now?
RD: It is October, the time to vote is near
One of the candidates will have a new career
Life is flowing, like ketchup in your beer...
GK: Catchup, for the good times
RD: Catchup, catchup...
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