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Vampire Talent Contest
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Listen
CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU
You taste too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You'd be like Heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
Love burning hot as a fire
I'm one lucky vampire
You ring my bell, you float my boat
Can't take my eyes off your throat
GETTING TO KNOW YOU
Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Following closely
After the sun goes down
Finding a place to
Hide behind the curtains
Looking at you in your white nightgown.
Getting to know you
Watching you as you're sleeping
Bending down near you
Thinking I'll go insane
Here is your throat and
Now let me loosen your collar
And now I'm bending toward you
Thinking of all we will do in this vein.
YOU'RE THE CREAM IN MY COFFEE
You're the juice in my sirloin
You are my steak tartare
You will always be my favorite food group
Oh how rare you are.
I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU
I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
If you want to know what's what:
I get a kick out of blood.
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A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?
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Scripts and bits from A Prairie Home Companion celebrate the secret society of men and women who possess excellent spelling and punctuation skills. (You know who you are.)
Selections include "The Six-Minute Hamlet," a tribute to Emily Dickinson, a Guy Noir adventure that exposes an MFA scam, a riveting "Professional Organization of English Majors" drama, and guests Billy Collins, Robert Bly, Roy Blount Jr., and Calvin Trillin.
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