A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Meat Script
Saturday, November 13, 2004
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(MUSIC)

Tim Russell (FRED F): Hi, Fred Farrell here for Big Red No. 1 Wholesale Meat. People talk about how divided this country is and let me tell you why: it's iron deficiency, plain and simple. People who live on the coasts and the upper Midwest, the blue people — they're blue because they don't get enough meat. In Manhattan, Washington, San Francisco, and Boston, people are sitting around all moody and owly and you know why? They need some red meat. Enough of the halibut and the sushi and the tofu and the tempeh. Give me a break. If your family is feeling sad and blue, why not make Thanksgiving a celebration of meat? Real food, food that can look you in the eye. Start off with a hearty beef soup and then stuff that turkey with dressing made from blood sausage and tenderloin tips and topped with a garnish of buffalo mousse and a duck meringue. Real mincemeat pie for dessert. And don't forget the giblets! Sure, after you eat it you'll fall asleep for two days and you'll feel like you swallowed a cannonball, but when you wake up we'll be a better country. A nation united by meat. Forget about the salad — the salad is what you put into a cow to make it taste good, no need for you to duplicate the effort. Eat more meat and you'll be glad you did.

Rich Dworsky (SINGS): You're at the top of the food chain. So use your brain.
Why eat off the ground?
Your dinner is walking around
On four feet.
Eat some meat.


Garrison Keillor: A message from Big Red No. 1 Wholesale Meat. (MUSIC OUT)