A Prairie Home Companion: November 13, 2004

Tomahawk Script
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Listen

...after a message from Tomahawk Delivery Service

(ROCKET BLAST, WHOOSH)

Tim Russell: When you absolutely have to get it there with speed and accuracy, Tomahawk has a whole fleet of cruise missiles on call 24/7. Just give us your package and into the nose cone it goes and we program the address into the satellite tracking system (BEEPS) and off it goes! (ROCKET BLAST). You can track your delivery on the Internet — (ROCKET FLIGHT) there it is crossing the Rockies and the Grand Canyon, now it's making its descent over Los Angeles and now it jettisons the payload (POOF) and there is your banana walnut loaf for Aunt Grace (UPPER ATMOSPHERE WIND) falling to earth under its parachute and being snatched by the recovery team (CHOPPER) and they deliver it to your aunt in her little bungalow there on Wistful Vista (CHOPPER LOWERING) and down it comes in the basket—

Sue Scott (OLD LADY): Is this for me?? Oh my!!! Banana nut! You shouldn't have.

TR: We offer fifteen-minute service anywhere within the continental United States. Collateral damage may incur additional charges. (EXPLOSION) Tomahawk Delivery Service. (ROCKET BLAST) . We're there before you know it.