A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Meat Script
Saturday, November 20, 2004
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(MUSIC) Garrison Keillor: ...after this message from Big Red No. 1 Wholesale Meat.

Tim Russell: Hi, Fred Farrell here for Big Red No. 1 Wholesale Meat. This so-called Mad Cow disease scare has got everyone running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but take it from me -don't worry about it. The Sky is not falling. The test results aren't even back yet. It's just one cow, and we don't know -he could just be acting out. They'll do that sometimes. So go ahead, enjoy that pan-fried steak. Chances are good that you won't get an incurable wasting disease that makes spongelike holes in your brain and leaves you quivering and drooling on the floor.

Sure, there was one guy who got it once in California. Big deal. One guy gets it, and suddenly we're all afraid of some little highly contagious infection that turns your brain into rice pudding? I for one am going have myself a big plate of red meat with a nice meat salad and some meat juice tonight for dinner, like always.

And don't call it Mad cow Disease. It's Cerebrally-Challenged Bovine Disorder, and for the most part, it's nothing to worry about. Farrell here for Big Red No. 1 Wholesale Meat — Meat! The Entrée You Can Look In The Eye.

GK: This has been a message from Big Red No. 1 Wholesale Meat.