A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

S.U.T.
Saturday, December 4, 2004
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ROCK BASS RHYTHM/ORGAN

Tim Russell: You're the sort of guy who's serious about sledding. No plastic saucer or rubber tube for you. You're king of that hill and you want a Sport Utility Toboggan from Big Man. The S.U.T. has one objective -getting you down that hill and getting you down fast — no matter who's in your way. (HEAVY WHOOSH) The S.U.T. from Big Man is six-times bigger and ten times heavier than any other sled on the slope — In a collision, you walk away and the other guy lies there with his face in the snow. The wide-body prevents rollover, the rear-blade suspension absorbs the shock of running over other sledders, the wrap-around windshield makes you impervious to snowballs (BWANG, BWANG), the blinding xenon headlights (LASER) temporarily disable anyone in your path and the surround-sound triple bass speakers let everybody know you're there. (THUMPING BASS). The S.U.T. carries up to ten passengers. But why ask them? Really. It's your toboggan. You need that room for yourself. You're a Big Man, and a Big Man deserves an Sport Utility Toboggan. (WHOOSH) MUSIC OUT