A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Clones script
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Listen

Garrison Keillor: ...after a message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique.

Sue Scott: This is Bertha's sister Bobby with a word for you parents of aging cats. Handling the death of a beloved pet is very very hard and when you see your cat failing and having to take drugs and use a walker and an oxygen tube, it can be hard. Let us ease the burden by talking about how you can clone your cat at home using a simple genetics kit. You may not have to say goodbye to Snowball after all. (MEOW) All you do is suction out some mucous from your cat's nostrils (MEOW, SUCTION SFX), shave off a little fur from the ear (ELECTRIC RAZOR), and collect a few hairballs (CAT HACKING, SPIT). Mash 'em all together, put it in a pantyhose egg, and send the whole thing in an insulated lunchbox to Bertha's Copy Cat. We'll take care of the rest and you'll get your new pet in 6-8 weeks. (MEOW)

Tom Keith: She looks just like Snowball!

SS: She is Snowball! (MEOW)

Tim Russell: Your pet may change color and shape over the first few months—become cylindrical or start flashing on and off — it takes a little while for the genes to settle. But pretty soon your pet will be just like your old one! We can also combine two pets if you want. (WOOF, MEOW). Or send along some mucous from your husband's nostril and let's see what happens.

SS: Turn off your computer. (WOOF) Go upstairs. (WOOF) Now.

TK (DOG): Now?

SS: Now.

GK: ...a message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique. (THEME)