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Plumber script
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Listen
Tim Russell: Christmas time means guests, means food, and food means a nasty clog in your drain — (SFX) No time to call the plumber, not with twelve people sitting in candlelight waiting for you to bring out the bananas flambé and you in the kitchen with water on the floor, and your plunger isn't going to clean this out either (SFX, SUCKING, SLOPPING) and liquid plumber takes too long — you need Mister Python Drain Cleaner. (SNAKE) Mister Python is a 12-foot non-poisonous snake genetically engineered to eat stuff that clogs pipes. Grease, hairballs, math homework, tree roots, coffee grounds... If it goes down your drain it's dinner as far as these snakes are concerned. All you need to do is open the cage (SFX) and slip the python down your drain (SLITHER) then wait about two minutes (SNAKE SCARFING AND SWALLOWING) until just the tip of the snake's tail is sticking out of the drain and haul him out (SFX) and you've got a drain that drains once again (WATER DRAINING). If the snake gets all the way down the drain, no problem, a little music will bring him right back up (SNAKE CHARMER MUSIC) and here he comes (SFX), all fat and happy (BURP) and your problem is solved, no mess, no fuss. I think it's time for those bananas flambé now. (POOF, AWED REACTION OF DINERS) Mister Python Drain Cleaner - we eat clogged drains for breakfast.
Garrison Keillor: Mr. Python Drain Cleaner. Use only as directed. Not recommended for most people.
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