A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Tap script
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Listen

(LOON)

Sue Scott: A lake in Minnesota. Clean fresh water. Wolves drink it. (WOLF HOWL) Bears. (BEAR) Moose. (MOOSE) So what's the problem? Why isn't it good enough for you, big boy? How come you're paying the big bucks for water in little plastic bottles from France? (TR FRENCH) Or Poland? (TR POLISH) Minnesota tap water comes from the lake and, okay, maybe it tastes like nickels and it's a little cloudy but it's good enough. It's good enough for wildlife and it's also good enough for Italians. Did you know that in Italy, Minnesota tap water is sold in bottles for mucho dinero? They love it. Pellegrino is what they water their plants with. Minnesota is for drinking. (TR ITALIAN INCL "MINNESOTA") Same in France. Evian is what you give your dog. Minnesota is what you put on the table. (FRENCH INCL "MINNESOTA'). We pump the water out of the lake (SUCTION), run it through a little cheesecloth to clear out the gunk (WHISH), and into the reservoir it goes. So get over yourself and have some tap water. Whether you're thirsty, or you've got a mess to clean up (SPLAT), just turn on the tap. If it's good enough for the Swiss (GERMAN, INCL "MINNESOTA) it's good enough for you, pal.

Garrison Keillor: That message from the Tap Water Associates of Minnesota.