Hell script
Saturday, January 29, 2005
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(THROBBING BASS)

Tim Russell: Coming soon to a theater near you....SNOWBALLS FROM HELL. (TK OFF CRY OF HORROR) Terrorists using high-compression technology made snowballs of a density never seen before —a supernova of snow. (SS SCIENTIST: These aren't just snowballs, professor. These are — anti-matter. STING) Snowballs so powerful — when they were launched (WHOOSH) they could destroy human life —

Tom Keith: Where's Rick?

Sue Scott: He was standing right there.

TK: He's gone.

SS: Just his parka and his stocking cap left—

TK: And those particles of — red-hot snow— (STING)

SS: Don't touch it—

TK: (SCREAMS)

TR: SNOWBALLS FROM HELL. They could bring down airplanes (PLANE IN STEEP DIVE), they could blow up infrastructure (EXPLOSION). And they changed the course of history.

SS: Mr. President—

TR (BUSH): We've discovered the W.M.D.'s, Condi.

SS: Thank goodness.

TR (BUSH): Except in this case, it stands for Whopping Mega Deathballs. (STING)

SS: In Iraq?

TR (BUSH): No. In Minnesota.

SS: Canadians—

TR (BUSH): Exactly. We're under attack from the north.

SS: What can we do?

TR (BUSH): People who hate freedom love snow. We're going to fight them with global warming.

SS: You mean—

TR (BUSH): Take off all controls on carbon emissions. Tell the coal-burning power plants to remove the filters. Fill the atmosphere with black smoke. Darken the skies.

SS: There's going to be criticism.

TR (BUSH): From whom?

SS: Good point.

TR (BUSH): We can't wait for spring. We're going to melt that snow before the smoking gun becomes a mushroom cloud.

SS: Right away, sir.

(THROBBING BASS)

TR: They wanted to bring America down but one man stood between them and success —(BUSH) Bring it on — (ANNC) a man who wasn't frightened by anything — not even SNOWBALLS FROM HELL (BUTTON)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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