A Prairie Home Companion: February 5, 2005

Bush script
Saturday, February 5, 2005
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Tim Russell (BUSH): Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday, which all of us are looking forward to. But we must face the fact that we live in a very different world today from the world of a year ago. The events of last year's halftime show changed the landscape of America forever. We now live in a world in which celebrities can launch an unprovoked wardrobe malfunction on the American people, the images of which will haunt us for the rest of our days. And so, for the halftime show on Sunday and also for this show, we have implemented a color-coded alert system. Red means the show is just fine and you can continue viewing. Yellow means you must be on the alert. Blue means to crawl under your seat and close your eyes and make sure your children do too.

As your president, I am doing everything I can to fight the use of nudity as a terrorist device. But we have to be right 100% of the time. Naked people only have to be right once. Enjoy the show, and God bless America.