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Furniture script
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Listen
Garrison Keillor: Have you ever looked at your living room furniture and thought —
Tom Keith: What did we spend all that money for? We hardly ever sit in there.
GK: Maybe it's time you considered Frank Farrell's Furniture Time-share.
Tim Russell: This is Frank Farrell. Here at Frank Farrell's Furniture Time-Share, we save you big money by subletting your furniture when you're not using it. During the day, while you're at work, your living room set is in a dentist's office waiting room, earning you income. Your TV is at a senior citizen center. Your dishes are at a school cafeteria. Your mattresses are on a truck, cushioning shipments of fragile china. And by 5 o'clock (CREW OF MEN, GRUNTING, STRAINING) all of your stuff is returned to your home and put back just the way it was. Going on vacation? We can sublet your car, your home, even your clothes. Don't pay for stuff you're not using. Join Frank Farrell's Furniture Time-Share. And save.
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A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?
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Scripts and bits from A Prairie Home Companion celebrate the secret society of men and women who possess excellent spelling and punctuation skills. (You know who you are.)
Selections include "The Six-Minute Hamlet," a tribute to Emily Dickinson, a Guy Noir adventure that exposes an MFA scam, a riveting "Professional Organization of English Majors" drama, and guests Billy Collins, Robert Bly, Roy Blount Jr., and Calvin Trillin.
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