SPCA script
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Listen

Garrison Keillor: ...brought to you by the St. Paul College of Accents. Why spend years learning a foreign language just well enough to sound stupid to a whole new bunch of people when, in two weeks, you can pick up a foreign accent that will give you an aura of mystery and romance right here in America where it matters? If you've been cursed with a midwestern accent—

Tim Russell (MINN): Boy, I don't know about this weather we've been having — kind of makes you wonder, don't it — I suppose it could be worse, but boy, I can't wait until it's warm enough to get outdoors—

GK: You know that a midwestern accent is like wearing a sign on your back that says, "Slow Person Ahead" — but now you can be somebody else as easily as you'd change your shirt —

TR: (FRENCH) Bon soir, mon cher. I am Robert, I have been looking forward to this evening for months and months — can I get you a glass of wine?

GK: Suddenly people turn — women smile — their eyes light up. A European in the room.

TR: (ITALIAN) Buono notte, mama mia — I am Roberto — that navy blue sweater — it looks fantastic on you — bella, bella— let me get you a glass of wine, what do you say? Let's go where we can talk and be alone.....

GK: You become a figure of romance. Or a tower of intelligence.

TR: (GERMAN) There are different ways of looking at the situation — there is the (GERMAN) and then there is the (GERMAN)— it's like Wittgenstein once said, (GERMAN)

GK: Why learn a little bit of one language when you can learn four, six, even twelve different accents — to suit any mood you're in:

TR: (IRISH) Top o'the mornin' to ye, and what a glorious mornin' it is too, Mary, me proud beauty!

GK: A midwestern accent means that every time you open your mouth, people think, "Good person if you need help loading a truck but otherwise not too swift" — maybe you need a new accent.

TR (MINN): Well, you know, that's a darn good point. I never thought of that before.

GK: Register at the St. Paul College of Accents today and get the second accent absolutely free.

Tom Keith (BRIT): The second accent is free?

TR (BRIT): Extraordinary.

TK (BRIT): Absolutely extraordinary.

TR (BRIT): I say.

GK: The St. Paul College of Accents. Offering everything except Swedish.

TR (SWED): You don't have anything in the Swedish then?

GK: No Swedish, thank you.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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