A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

English Majors script
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Listen

Garrison Keillor: After this word from the Partnership of English Majors. (PIANO) When you're young and impressionable, older people give you so much bad advice.

Tim Russell: Learn something practical — something that gives you job skills and leads to a career — English!!! Why not get a business degree? What are you going to do with a B.A. in English?

GK: Live. Have a life. That's what.

Sue Scott: — he said with a faint tone of contempt, sweeping his long reddish-blonde hair back and opening the door of the Maserati for the leggy woman in the black leather pants who'd been watching him with undisguised interest for the past several minutes. He walked around to the driver's side, turned and suddenly laughed—

GK: LAUGHTER

SS: — a long knowing laugh. He looked at the old man with the droopy pants.

GK: After you are permanently out of business...

SS: He said in a quiet tone with a sharp metallic edge.

GK: The only record of your having existed will be my memoir and frankly, sir, you're not going to get a big mention.

SS: The old man sputtered.

TR: Smart aleck kids like you, you make me nauseous!

GK: No, I nauseate you. "Nauseous" means sickening to contemplate, whereas "nauseated" means sick at the stomach. A distinction a person your age ought to know.

SS: He said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty.

GK: Here. Have those pants dry-cleaned by a professional. You'll feel better about yourself.

SS: "Darling — the plane to Venice — " whispered the woman. He smiled and got behind the wheel and drove away.

(CAR REV AND PULL AWAY THROUGH GEARS)

GK: English majors. We may not all be successful, but it sure seems like it. A message from the Partnership of English majors.