Saturday, March 19, 2005

Garrison Keillor: I love this CD.

Sue Scott: I never knew you liked classical piano.

GK: I like this.

SS: Is this the CD your old girlfriend sent you?

GK: This?

SS: I saw the envelope. It came on your birthday.

GK: I don't remember.

SS: I do.

GK: It's beautiful though, isn't it?

SS: The music is, yes. What personal associations it has for you, I have no way of knowing.

GK: (SIGH) Where is Josh?

SS: He went over to Stephanie's house.

GK: New girlfriend?

SS: Mmmmhmmm. He says she's the first person who supports him in his journey.

GK: His journey? To where? The Pizza Hut?

SS: Los Angeles. He wants to get into reality television.

GK: Maybe he ought to try reality first.

SS: He's making a reality video. Remember the money you gave him for his birthday? He bought a digital video camera. He's doing a movie on us.

GK: He is?

SS: It's called. Breakfast.

GK: You've seen it?

SS: Stephanie told me about it.

GK: His girlfriend?

SS: She babysits for the Showalters. She says it's very funny. She also asked if you're under treatment for something.

GK: -I don't wake up well, you know that---- I'm not even that aware of breakfast ---- I sort of achieve consciousness somewhere around ten-thirty or eleven. Is it legal for him to be taping us in our own home without our permission? Well, I can't worry about it. It's up to him, we have our own lives to lead ------ I think we've been way too focused on him for much too long now. Kids are such tyrants. They know how they control us. Between Kim Il Jong and a 15-year-old there is a lot in common. I tell you, there was a time in this country------

SS: Excuse me. ----- You're about to tell the story about how you paid your own way to Europe when you were nineteen, right?

GK: Right. And I hitch-hiked around and-----

SS: Listen. It's a wonderful story, but I don't want to hear it again. Okay?

GK: Okay.

SS: Let's lead our own lives, as you were saying.

GK: Okay.

SS: (SEDUCTIVELY) We can take our minds off parenthood in the way that parents have always taken their minds off parenthood.

GK: You mean-------

SS: Yes.

GK: Now?

SS: Of course.

GK: Okay. (COLLAR JINGLE, PANTING) What is it about this dog that he always comes around when we're just about to ------ (CREAK OF SPRINGS) Come on. Come, Ruf. (DOG WHINE) Come. Out of here. Go. (DOG WHINE) (DOOR OPEN) Go away. (DOOR CLOSE) (BARE FOOTSTEPS) There. Mmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmm.

SS: Mmmmmmm yourself.

GK: Nice to see you.

SS: Likewise.

GK: Nothing like good old fashioned nudity to get the blood running. That's the advantage of growing up repressed. It makes sex exciting for the rest of your life.

SS: Glad you're excited.

GK: I am. You're incredibly sexy.

SS: Would you mind changing this CD?

GK: Why?

SS: I don't want to make love with you to a CD that your old girlfriend sent you, okay?

GK: What's wrong with it?

SS: Just change it.


SS: How about Tchaikovsky?

GK: Too weepy.

SS: Bach?

GK: Too churchy.

SS: Satie?

GK: The Gymnopedies?

SS: Or is that one that your old girlfriend and you used to make love to?

GK: No.


Tim Russell (JOSH, OUTSIDE): Mom? Dad? Can I come in?

GK: No, don't come in----- (DOOR OPEN)

TR (TEEN): Jeeze, it's like pitch-black in here. Where are you?

GK: Never mind.

TR (TEEN): What's wrong?

GK: Nothing, just leave ---- okay?

TR (TEEN): Dude, I was just coming in to say hi and you get all hostile about it, I don't get it.

SS: It's okay, honey. We were just talking-----

GK: Just talking? It was just talk?

TR (TEEN): Did you guys have a nice time tonight?

GK: Could've been better.

TR (TEEN): What are you doing in the dark, Dad?

GK: Just putting on a pair of pants, that's all.

TR (TEEN): What's the problem?

SS: Nothing, it's just that sometimes Dad and I like to be alone. You understand.

TR (TEEN): You've been alone all evening.

GK: This is true.

TR (TEEN): Anyway, I wanted to tell you that Stephanie and I are together.

SS: That's wonderful. She's a terrific kid. I think you two will be so good for each other.

GK: What does that mean, you're "together"?

TR (TEEN): It means we're going out. She's really cool. She's helped me a lot at school.

GK: That's good.

TR (TEEN): I really think I can get my grades up to, like, a 2.0 or 1.8 this semester.

SS: That's wonderful.

TR (TEEN): I'm almost done with my project for social studies. It's a video. I've shown it to some people and they think it's really really good. It's called "The American Nuclear Breakfast".

GK: Sounds interesting.

TR (TEEN): Yeah, I sure put that birthday gift to good use. Thanks, Dad.

GK: You're welcome, Josh. Just remember that mercy is a part of any mature work of art, Josh-----

TR (TEEN): What do you mean?

GK: I don't know. Anyway----- good to talk to you. We're going to go to bed now. Okay? So---- see you in the morning. Round the old nuclear breakfast table.

TR (TEEN): You know, whenever I feel like talking, you guys don't want to. You tell me you want me to trust you and communicate and everything and then like you totally shut me out ----- I'm trying to foster some openness and stuff----

SS: We're just tired, honey. Okay? It's ten o'clock. Bedtime.

TR (TEEN): Okay. Cool. See ya.

GK: See you.

TR (TEEN): Good night, Mom. SS: Good night, honey.

TR (TEEN): You two take it easy.

GK: Yeah, I guess we will. Good night. (DOOR CLOSE)

SS: Come here.

GK: I'm coming. Just a second. (CLASSICAL PIANO) How's that?

SS: This is nice.


SS: Wait a minute. What's that little light flashing in the ceiling?

GK: Is that part of the alarm system?

SS: Oh, right. It's the motion detector.

GK: Well. Let's create some motion.

SS: Are you sure it's the motion detector? I thought that was downstairs. That couldn't be a camera, could it?

GK: No.

SS: No, of course not. You're right. That's silly.

GK: I mean, he wouldn't do something like that.

SS: Absolutely not.

GK: We've become paranoid.

SS: Well, it comes with the territory.

GK: I just have a feeling that the dog is in here somewhere.

SS: He's in the hall.

GK: I know that intellectually but ----- And I have a feeling that as soon as we ------ you know -------Josh is going to come barging through the door asking if he can take the car in the morning.

TR (REVERB): You spoil that kid rotten, that's your problem. You give him every thing he wants, every toy, everything, so he never has to raise a finger to provide for himself. We sure never brought you up that way. We had the sense to teach you what it means to work for something.

GK: Dad?

SS: What?

GK: Nothing.

SS: What'd you say? "Dad"?

GK: Just thinking out loud.

SS: Well, stop thinking and come over here and put your arm around me.

GK: Okay.

SS: Nice music.

GK: Mmmmhmmmm.

SS: We don't spend enough time together like this. You know?

GK: I know.

SS: (PAUSE) You don't think that he'd plant a camera in our bedroom, do you? (PAUSE) Sorry.

GK: That's okay. It's not a camera. It's a motion detector.

SS: Are you sure?

GK: Yes. ----- Let me kiss you.

SS: Mmmmmmm.


GK: Yeah, it's the motion detector. Who turned on the alarm system? I didn't. (BARE FOOTSTEPS) (DOOR OPEN) Josh???? Josh, turn off the alarm! Josh????? Why is the alarm on? MUSIC BUTTON)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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