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Catchup script
Saturday, April 9, 2005
Listen
Garrison Keillor: ...after a word from the Catchup Advisory Board.
Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. Jim went out and bought matching his and hers iPods in pink and gold, which put us way over our weekly budget, so I expressed my anger in a constructive, relationship-affirming manner like my life coach taught me-I made a meatloaf . And afterwards I felt wonderful. It turns out that Jim found a new tax accountant who could get us a refund that is actually quite a bit more than we earned last year. It didn't sound right to me, but Jim said that the guy is really really smart.
Tim Russell: He showed me how we can deduct the cost of fruit as a health expense.
SS: Fruit?
TR: Antioxidants, Barb. And I'm buying a flat-screen TV tomorrow, so I can deduct that, too. And also that Harley Davidson I've always wanted. .
SS: I don't know. Those don't sound like business expenses to me.
TR: A 42-inch widescreen plasma EDTV with HDMI input and a six-piece surround-sound system with a long-throw subwoofer, plus the bone-rattling rev of a Harley engine— it's about image, Barb. You put out a certain image, and people want to do business with you.
SS: I notice here on his business card — his slogan is "Not Paying Taxes Is How We Starve The Beast of Big Government". It doesn't sound right, Jim. Why don't we just do TurboTax again?
TR: Listen, Barb — this our chance to keep more of our money and live life the way we always meant to. This guy is a professional. He knows what he's doing.
SS: Jim, we worked hard to get where we are. I don't want to spend my golden years in prison. Even if it was good for Martha Stewart and she learned a lot about herself. Besides, ponchos make me look fat.
TR: You're right, Barb. We should just do our taxes ourselves and lose money like we always do It's the right thing to do.. I don't know what I was thinking.
SS: Maybe you're not getting enough Catchup. Catchup has natural mellowing agents that help you avoid morally dubious situations. So you don't wind up making your own license plate in the big house.
Rich Dworsky: (SING)
These are the good years so try to keep it lawful
Prison's overrated and the food is something awful
Life is flowing
Like catchup on falafel
GK: Catchup—for the good times.
RD: Catchup, catchup
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