Saturday, April 23, 2005
Garrison Keillor: Summer is coming and the Jaguars (SFX) head up Park Avenue on their way to the Hamptons as the cleaning ladies walk to work (COCKNEY MUTTERING) and the security men at the clubs keep the peasants at bay (WHIPS, SHOUTS, DOGS BARK) and meanwhile in the tiny cubicles, (WRETCHES MOAN) the workers sit at their looms or, in this case, p.c.'s (COMPUTER) their eyes glazed over from staring at the monitor (ZOMBIE GROAN), their arms crippled from repetitive stress (WHIMPERING), as their computers insult them (FN ELECT: You are now disconnected. You have no mail.) meanwhile, where is management? Out playing golf. (FN: You're up, C.B.) Two moguls tee up on the Observation deck of Rockefeller Center. (HORNS IN DISTANCE, WIND) It's a par 4 to the roof of the Public Library. (SWING. FLIGHT OF BALL. GLASS BREAKAGE.) FN: Beautiful. Hit the skylight of the reading room. Your shot.) (SWING. BALL CAROMS OFF WALL. DISTANT CRY OF PAIN. HORSE WHINNY.) FN: Nice lie. You're in the middle of on 59th Street, C.B. Let's go. (CHOPPER) Meanwhile, the workers stream out of the subway (SUBWAY RUMBLING), past the Peruvian panflute players (PANFLUTE), stopping for a look at the breakdancers (BEATBOX), and out into the fetid air, and through the traffic (HORNS) and up to the offices of the Organization of Federated Associations, where the copiers were running top speed (COPIER) as the first-quarter reports came out and phones were ringing (SFX) and faxes were coming in (SFX) and they worked like galley slaves (WHIPS, SHOUTS) until the coffee break when they had fifteen minutes to sit and read a book...
Fred Newman (WOMAN): "He held her trembling in his arms and the wind blew his long ponytail into her suntanned face and newly whitened teeth.
"I love the smell of your fabric softener," he whispered. "It thrills me. And so does your shampoo. Is it aloe?"
GK: And then an odd figure walked in (HOOVES, BLEATING) it had the hind-legs of a goat and yet it looked like a man and it was playing a flute (SFX) Pan, the god of the shepherds, followed by Eros, the fat little boy with the bow and arrow (SFX), and a Centaur (WHINNY), half man, half horse, followed by a couple of satyrs (OBSCENE CHUCKLING, LASCIVIOUS LEERING) and Dionysus, the god of wine and revels (POP CORK, POUR) (JOYFUL LAUGH)
FN (DIONYSUS): Life's too short to spend it doing menial tasks!! Come!!! To the Hamptons!!! Put on your swimsuits...adorn yourself with suntan oil...bring the dry white wines...the appetizers! the tanned young women...!!!! To the Hamptons!!!!
(BUGLES) ALL: To the Hamptons!!!
GK: Unfortunately the limo driver thought they said Camden, so off they went to New Jersey (CAR PULLS AWAY)...and there in Camden, across the river from Philadelphia, a city of warehouses that are turning into lofts, they found new lives as painters (SFX) and sculptors (SFX) and dancers (SFX) and composers (SFX) and conceptual storytellers (SFX) but that's another story.